A Thousand Pages of Memories
by Leon Sage
Summary: Jensen passes by "Devan's" secondhand bookstore almost every day to and from work. One day, he decides to go in to look at the books. Little does he know, the one book that he's looking for is being held by none other than Jared Padalecki.  J2 AU
1. Chapter 0: Prologue

**Prologue.**

As far back as he can remember, Jensen Ackles has had two loves that has stayed with him: reading, and Jared. He can't remember a time when these two things never mattered.

Not when he was thrown out of his house at 14, not when he had to beg in the streets for days. Not when he was beaten, raped and left for dead in an alleyway at 16, not when Stella Marie, took him into her dark world of sex slavery.

He always found something to read, something to connect him to the world that he created in his mind. From Tolkien to Salinger, he drank up whatever piece of literature he could get his somehow always cut and bruised hands on.

Stella Marie had worked him hard, making him the favorite of her brothel, making him take women and men, day and night. But she was good to him too, giving him the rare holiday and providing him with books that set Jensen's imagination on fire.

Through the ink and pages, he saw the world from a different perspective. He was always intelligent, everyone who met him knew that, street-smart and silver-tongued. He could get almost anything he wanted, but he was always apprehensive, shy and quiet. He would spend hours, days even poring over book after book.

Now everyone knew he was intelligent, but everyone also knew his other love, Jared Padalecki. Who didn't! a 5 time Oscar winner, one of Spielberg's favorites, high fashion model. Everyone knew him, but no one knew him more than Jensen. He could tell you every little detail about Jared; from his three year running award for Most Wanted Bachelor to where he stayed, even where he was last spotted. Jensen never missed a beat. Stella Marie knew about Jensen's love for Jared and secretly brought him the latest gossip and magazines that Jared was in, even a movie or two. Jensen cherished those things.

Some of the others that lived in the brothel would often tease Jensen, telling him that Stella Marie would get Jared to come and see him someday. Jensen would always laugh and tell them to stuff it, but secretly, he wished that it would happen, that one day, Jared would come and take him away from the brothel. He loved everyone there, but he hated it. He hated being confined, he hated the forced sex, he hated it all.

Finally, Jensen got out after eight years. There was an accident: a fire. Stella Marie was killed, along with many of his friend and most tragic of all: his books and everything he had collected about Jared.

Jensen was 24, scared and alone again. He didn't know much about the outside world although he read as much as he did. He had few usable skills then, he knew how to live basically, but not much more. He didn't even know how to use a phone or how to cook for himself.

Jensen wandered for months, walking most of the way, running some, hitching a ride where he could. Some people were kind, some not so. Some offered him a place to stay and some money, which he respectfully declined. Always scared and timid inside, always pleasantly modest and kind outside, Jensen never made it known what his true feelings were. Life had taught him better than that.

An idea struck him when he was walking past the sign that told him he was in Maine: why doesn't he go to Texas? San Antonio to be more specific. The birthplace of Jared Padalecki, his one and only. So that's what he did.

Jensen hitch-hiked sometimes, walked most of it. He got money though pool, which he found he was good at. He bought clothes when he needed them, never keeping anything. Jensen would sleep in motel's of sometimes cheap hotel's. sometimes he would just lay out under the starry sky and stare up at the sky, feeling like he was the only person in the world.

He found out about the world through the eyes of a traveler, learned about people from a homeless person's point of view, and he had never felt more alive in his life.

As Jensen entered San Antonio, two years later, he was a little more tanned, a lot more toned and a heck of a lot more excited.

Never had he felt such a strong pull towards Jared. Jensen used most of the money he had with him to stay for three nights in a good hotel and bought the nicest set of clothes he's ever worn. He washed and ironed them himself and even got a haircut and shave to look presentable.

He was ready, he knew it. Jared was supposed to be in town today for the opening of his new movie, and Jensen was geared up to try and get a glimpse of him. Jensen looked himself in the bathroom mirror and smiled to himself, he thought he looked alright and he nodded to himself.

At the movie premier, Jensen tried to quell his nerves by eating a piece of gum, but nothing could stop his heart from pumping faster and faster as he saw the black limousine pull up. Nothing could stop him from going completely silent as he saw Jared coming out of the car.

And then nothing.

He couldn't move as the crowd surged forward. He couldn't move when he saw Jared glance his way and smile directly at him.

In the end, he didn't get to talk to Jared as the security personnel herded Jared in and he beat himself up about it for the next two days.

He left San Antonio after that, deciding that he would continue his travel through the United States. Jensen decided he would travel to Richmond, British Columbia. Jensen chose there because he had heard it was a nice place, and Jensen knew that Vancouver was just a few hours away.

As he left the city, he looked back a minute, something telling him to do so and he saw the same black limousine cruising out of the city and he watched as it flew past him. He smiled to himself, hope renewed.

He would meet Jared one day.


	2. Chapter 1: Autumn Breezes

**Chapter 1: Autumn Breezes**

"_The cool Autumn breeze plays in the wood,_

_We wind through their pillars, dancing in the light._

_You and me, our songs set the mood,_

_You keep me alive, even in my darkest night." _

There were only three times in Jensen Ackles life that he never had any books to read. Once for six months when he was 14, and he was thrown out of his house, disowned by his family. Once for two months when he was 16, and he was brutally raped by five men and left for dead in an alleyway.

And right now.

Jensen is now 28, working and living in Richmond, Canada and has been for the past two years.

He works the night shift at the Moonstar Diner, bussing tables and serving the customers. He enjoys the work, keeping a safe distance from people, yet close enough to observe them. their ways and their relationships.

Jensen has never been in a relationship before. He would like to be in one, but no one has ever caught his eye. None but one, but he knows that the possibility of that happening is almost impossible. So he watches others in love and he smiles every time he sees them holding hands under the table, stealing a kiss or giving each other the love-look.

Each day as he walks to and from work to his apartment about twenty streets away, he passes by Devans Second-Hand Bookstore, and each day he looks into the window and his heart aches a little. The call of the books always is almost too much for him and he longs to have more with him.

His apartment is situated on top of a Mr. Lang's Lovely Laundromat, hidden away behind the giant neon sign. The water doesn't work sometimes, the heat is almost never on and the lights go off in regular intervals, but for Jensen, this place is more than enough.

He's used to living rough, having spent most of his life traveling most of continental U.S.A and works with what he has. No water? He buys bottled water from the 7-Eleven nearby. No heat? He just throws all of his clothes on the mattress he sleeps on and buries himself underneath it; snug as a bug in a rug. No electricity? Jensen keeps a store of candles which he uses as sparingly as he can; he thinks candlelight is beautiful.

Before he sleeps, he takes a book that's always under his pillow. Jensen love of reading has been with him since he can remember. He's always had a book with him, but now he tosses and turns in bed, fidgeting and trying to make sleep come.

He finally sighs and lays on his bed, staring up to the ceiling. He lets his mind wander randomly, thinking about the diner, some random lines from books, Jared… his thoughts stop there.

Jared Padalecki. That name has haunted him since he was a kid. Jensen's first and only love. He knows everything about Jared. His age, height, hair color, the people Jared has been with and broken up with, the movies he's made and awards he's won. Everything. Jensen even went to Jared's hometown of San Antonio once to see him, but failed.

Jensen smiles to himself, and turns over, moving himself close to the edge of the mattress and looking at the empty space there. He pictures Jared laying there, looking at him, smiling that perfect smile of his and Jensen closes his eyes and smiles.

Even though Jensen's darkest days, he always had Jared there to help him through. The years he was forced to be a sex slave. The times he had hid in cardboard boxes or in a giant dustbin to escape the cold or rain. The times he lay under the stars at night or slept in a tree just for the heck of it. He always had Jared there.

A few days later, Jensen got his pay.

It wasn't much, but Jensen always used it wisely. He saved half of it and used the rest for food and clothes if he needed it. But today as Jensen was walking back from work, he stopped in front of Devans. The store had a sign on it saying there was a sale on some books and Jensen couldn't stop himself.

Before he knew it, he was inside the shop, the delicious smell of books and the warmth of the inside making him sigh in delight.

"Hi there," a voice came from beside him and Jensen jumped a little at the sound. He turned and was faces with a pretty brunette girl whose nametag read "Devan."

Jensen smiled at her, a little startled but he regained his composure quickly.

"Hey, your name is Devan," he said, eyes lighting up, "D'you own the shop?"

Devan laughed and said happily, "No, that's just a coincidence," but when she saw Jensen's face become confused, she shook her head a little, "Sarcasm and you don't mix so well, does it?" she asked. Jensen realized it was a joke and he slapped himself internally.

"Sorry," he said, offering a sheepish smile but Devan just reached over and squeezed his arm.

"It's alright," she said still smiling, "let's start over, huh? I'm Devan and I own this bookstore."

"Well," Jensen began, "My name is Jensen… and I don't own much?"

Devan laughed and gestured to the numerous bookshelves then back at Jensen, "Well, you could own one of my books if you like," she said, then looked back at Jensen. "Take as much time as you want and if you want any help, just call me, alright?"

Jensen thanked her and she went off behind the counter to serve some customers. Jensen stared at the books there for a moment. All the titles and words calling out to him. He sighed with a determined nod and went through into the maze of shelves.

Looking at the book titles and slowly brushing his fingers along the front of the books, Jensen was transported to his happy place. A place where nothing could hurt him. a place where all was well.

Suddenly he remembered a book that he read when he was 15, just before he was chased out of the abandoned house he had been staying in. _A Thousand Pages of Memories_.

It was a poetry book, and it had filled Jensen's head with the most amazing things. He realized that he was just standing in the middle of an aisle, staring off into space and he roused himself.

Jensen turned around and went to the counter, where Devan was. She looked up from the computer and smiled at him.

"Can I help you, Jensen?" she said, getting up from the chair, ready to be of service.

"Yes, if you're not too busy," he said, but she shook her head and asked him to continue. "There was a book I read once, a poetry book. I don't know if you have it, but d'you think you could search on the computer?" he asked hesitantly.

"Of course," Devan said and put on her reading glasses and sat down again, "Now, tell me the name of the book, honey."

"A Thousand Pages of Memories," Jensen said and Devan nodded once, typing out the title into the computer.

Jensen waited patiently, not looking at her because he was a little shy of her. No one had ever called him 'honey' before.

"Oh, you're in luck today," Devan exclaimed after a moment, jarring Jensen out of his internal monologue. He looked at her, his face lighting up a little.

"We've got one last copy," she said and she took a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She handed it to him and told Jensen that he would be able to find the book on that shelf.

Jensen was so happy that he almost forgot to thank her, but did hurriedly and made his way to the shelf.

As he made his way there, he heard two girls whispering something that sounded like it had to do with Jared, but he knew the latest news about Jared, so he walked by but stopped dead in his tracks and his jaw fell slack.

Standing by one of the shelves that Jensen vaguely knew was the shelf where the book he wanted was on, was Jared Padalecki.

He thought he was hallucinating. No, he was pretty sure he was hallucinating. What he should do is get out of the shop, go to the nearest hospital and admit himself into the psychiatric ward. He should run as fast as he could to the closest counseling centre and beg for mental assistance. But he didn't do any o that. Instead he stood there like a dumbfounded fool, jaw slack and eyes slowly getting wider.

Jared looked amazing. Even better in inconspicuous clothes, trying to hide but standing out like a sore thumb. He was browsing through the shelves and stopped, picking up a book. Jensen's heart skipped a beat when he saw what book Jared was looking at.

_A Thousand Pages of Memories._

The very book Jensen had read when he was a kid. The book that he had lost. The last copy in the store.

Jared looked up from reading the book and glanced in Jensen's direction and did a double take. Jensen looked away quickly, trying to seem busy, but instead knocked a few books out of the shelf he was next to.

"Damn," he muttered and knelt down, picking up the books and cursing his clumsiness. Suddenly there was another pair of hands there. _Those hands_.

"Here, let me help you," a smooth voice said and Jensen looked up at the man there. His breath stuttered a little and he did the most graceful thing he has ever done. He fell flat on his butt.

Devan was there all of a sudden. "Oh my, clean up on aisle six!" she exclaimed and laughed, bending down and scooping up the books.

Jared laughed and handed her some of the books, "Sorry, Van, I must not know my own strength," Jared joked and stood up. He looked down at Jensen and extended a hand to him, "here, let me help you," he said and Jensen put out a trembling hand to Jared. Jared clutched Jensen's hand and an electric shock ran through Jensen's hand, up his arm and down his spine.

Coming up, Jensen smiled at Devan but didn't dare look at Jared. "Th-thank you," he said softly and Devan smirked knowingly.

"It's alright, Jared darling," she said and looked at the book that Jared was still holding. "Oh Jared, I'm sorry, but Jensen here wanted that book."

Jared looked at Jensen and smiled, "Here, have it," he said, putting the book out to Jensen, but Jensen turned redder than a beet root and said it was okay before practically running out of the shop.

He got onto the street and walked without direction. He has forgotten his coat, but who the hell cared. His ONE chance to say something to Jared-goddamn-Padalecki, and he blew it. He totally blew it.

He wanted to just walk off a bridge, jump in front of a bus, something. Anything. But he just kept walking.

Suddenly he heard a voice behind him that sounded painfully familiar. "Hey! Hey, Jensen!"

He stopped and turned around slowly, not daring to believe it, but there was Jared, running towards him, holding Jensen's coat and carrying a paper bag with him.

Jared stopped in front of Jensen and smiled down at him, "Hey there, you forgot this," he said and handed Jensen his coat, "Kinda cold out here to be in what you're wearing huh?"

Jensen just nodded and accepted the coat from Jared. Pulling it on, he finally smiled and looked up at Jared. That perfect face looking at him, breath streaming up in the autumn wind.

"I'm sorry I just walked out," Jensen said, "That wasn't very nice of me."

"Nah, that's okay," Jared said and put the package to Jensen's chest, "You forgot this too."

Jensen looked down at the package confused. "I didn't-" but Jared stopped him. "Go ahead, take it as a… "hi there" gift."

Jensen took the package and opened it and his eyes lit up. He took out the book and looked up at Jared.

"This is too much," he said and was reaching for his wallet to pay Jared back, but Jared stopped him.

"Hey, I told you, it was a hello gift. By the way," Jared extended his hand, "I'm Jared Padalecki."

Jensen's skin flushed a little and he took Jared's hand. "I'm uh… Jensen…" he said and Jared smiled at him.

"You got a last name with that, Jensen?" he asked, still holding Jensen's hand.

"Oh, sorry, its Ackles. Jensen Ackles," he said and looked up at Jared again. How could one person be so amazingly good looking, Jensen wondered.

He realized they were still holding hands; in the middle of a walkway, obstructing people and Jensen let go of Jared's hand and cleared his throat. "So, uh, thank you for the gift Jared, it was very kind of you."

Jensen had shyness running thick through his veins and he was going to turn to leave when Jared said to him with an unusually soft voice.

"D'you wanna go grab a coffee with me, Jensen?" he asked and Jensen looked up at him, bewildered.

"Y-You wanna go for coffee with me?" Jensen asked, not daring to believe it, not even blinking because he was sure that if he did, Jared would disappear.

Jared shrugged, "Yeah, why not?"

Jensen couldn't function anymore. today was just too much for his soul to handle. He stuttered out a shaky okay and Jared laughed and turned to the street and hailed a cab.

Opening the door, Jared looked back at Jensen expectantly, "M'lord," he said and Jensen's knees almost gave out.

_Coffee with Jared Padalecki. No big deal, right?_


	3. Chapter 2: Late Night Coffee

**Chapter 2: Late Night Coffee**

"_Time flows like a rushing river,_

_I never want to leave this place._

_At the end of our meeting, our lips quiver,_

_I look into a God's face."_

It was just coffee right? Just a simple cup of coffee. No big deal.

Just two guys, gonna grab a cup of Joe at eleven at night. Just two acquaintances getting to know each other. No big deal.

But it was for Jensen. This was Jared Padalecki. THE Jared Padalecki. The man that Jensen has wanted to meet for the entirety of his life. The man that he has pined for during those sleepless nights. The man that Jensen loved with his whole heart.

Jared was cool and calm the whole of the cab ride to the diner. Jensen didn't know where Jared was taking him, but was too concerned with keeping his whole being from exploding to think of anything else. So he just went with the flow. He was vaguely aware that the places they were passing by was familiar, but he just couldn't think right now.

The cab stopped at the corner of a street, under a streetlight and before Jensen could even think of paying for the cab, Jared had pulled out a fifty dollar bill and was handing it to the man. "Keep the change," Jared said and got out from the cab. 100 percent tip, not bad.

Jensen got out from the cab and as it pulled out to the street, Jensen turned and was faced with a wall of clothes. He looked up at Jared who was standing so close to him that he could feel Jared's body heat from here. Resisting the urge to lean into the warmth, Jensen simply thanked Jared for paying the fare and took a step forward.

Enter accident number two: Jensen slipped on some sidewalk ice and was on his way for a very painful fall when strong hands were on him, pulling him into a hug. Jared steadied the both of them, but instead of letting Jensen go, he looked down and smiled at the man that was still clutching onto his coat, breathing hard.

"Careful huh, that first step's a big one," Jared said and Jensen looked up at him.

"S-Sorry," Jensen said and tried to pry himself loose, but Jared hooked an arm around Jensen's shoulder and pulled him close.

"I'm not letting you go till we've gotten on solid, dry ground, man," Jared said and laughed, "Hope you don't mind, I know we've only just met."

Jensen's heart was dead already, he knew it couldn't possibly be still beating, but somehow, it was. "Yeah, okay," he said, "Thanks."

Going around the corner, Jensen suddenly stopped, making Jared almost slip. "What's up, Jensen?" Jared asked, looking confused at Jensen's wide-eyed look. "You okay with this place? I heard they have good pancakes," Jared said, glancing at the diner and back at Jensen, "We can go somewhere else…?"

_Moonstar Diner…_

Of all the places in the whole of Richmond-bloody-Canada, WHY did Jared HAVE to know this place? Jensen closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again, offering Jared a small smile. "It's okay, sorry, let's go."

Jared was still staring at Jensen with a confused looked but accepted it and they both walked into the diner together. As they got in, Jensen prayed to every god out there to not see any of the people he worked with, or any of the customers that frequented the diner, but luck never seemed to be on his side when he needed it.

Joe , the fry-cook spotted Jensen and called out to him, teasing that he just couldn't stay away from the diner. Chastity, one of the waitresses that had a crush on Jensen came up to him and took his and Jared's coats, asking Jensen how he knew such a big name and Jared introduced himself and even autographed the menu she wanted him to sign. A few of the regulars gawked at Jensen and Mrs. Grady even patted Jensen on the shoulder and told Jared that he was very lucky to have a friend like Jensen.

By the time they got to their table, Jensen's arms were at his side and his ears had turned a deep red color and a plume flush was creeping across his face, accentuating the freckles that peppered it. They sat by one of the windows and Jared gave Jensen a brilliant smile. "You must really be a popular guy, huh? Everyone here seems to know you."

Jensen swallowed, trying to moisten his drier-than-a-desert throat but Chastity came up to them again, holding a coffee pot.

"Coffee for you?" she asked, looking at Jared. He nodded and she poured out a cup for him and turned to Jensen, "Jensen baby, I'll your usual cup of tea okay?" Jensen just nodded at her, still not looking at Jared.

When she left, Jared gazed at Jensen, a softly concerned look on his face. "Jensen, we can leave if you want to. I didn't know you knew these people. IF they make you feel uncomfortable we could…"

Jensen stopped Jared and looked at him with a carefully controlled look. "Jared, I work here. That's how they know me. I bus the tables and wash the dishes here."

Jared sat back in his seat and stared at Jensen for a minute. Jensen began to feel uncomfortable after a little while and was about to excuse himself so that he could go and hide under a rock, but then Jared spoke.

"Well what are the odds that the place that serves the best pancakes in town also plays host to one of the best looking guys I've ever seen?"

That's it. Light's off. Goodbye world, Jensen Ackles signing off.

Jensen opened his eyes, something was holding his shoulders hard and shaking him. For a second, Jensen thought he was back in the brothel, Stella Marie shaking him awake. Then he thought he was in the alleyway being raped again. Then everything came flying back to him. The bookstore, the poetry book, Jared.

Jared…

He shook his head a little and his vision refocused and there was Jared, holding Jensen's head in one hand and shaking him gently with his other hand. "Hey, Jensen… Hey, wake up," Jared was saying over and over, his face plastered with fear and concern.

Jensen sighed and sat up slowly. The diner was quiet, time seemed to have stopped. Everyone was looking at him, so Jensen slowly put up a hand, "I'm okay," he said and there was a collective sigh of relief.

Jensen turned a little and gave Jared a weak smile, "Sorry," he said but Jared just squeezed his arm, still looking concerned.

"What happened?" Jared asked and Jensen blushed a little.

"You did," Jensen said, sitting back in his chair and scrubbing a hand over his face.

Jared looked confused for a second, then comprehension struck. "You don't take compliments too well, do you?"

Jensen shook his head and took a sip of his tea. He would never admit it, but what Jared told him was one of the first compliments anyone had ever given him. the first few happened not so long ago, when they entered the diner.

Jared just laughed and slid back into his own seat. "Well, you should get more of them. That's what I believe: 'a compliment a day keeps the shadows away'."

Jensen just nodded knowingly; Jared had said that in an interview once.

They spent the next few hours talking. Jared more than Jensen. They talked about Jared's family, some of his friends and Jensen told Jared about his travelling the United States. Jensen realized that Jared didn't actually like the spotlight on him, that he preferred to be with his loved ones, but most of all, he wanted his privacy.

Jensen got to know a lot about Jared that he didn't know about, and his love for Jared just deepened. Jared drank in everything Jensen told him about travelling the U.S. and grew fond of the man. Although Jensen didn't say much else about himself of his family, or even where he was from, Jared was drawn to him and intrigued to know more and more.

They didn't want the night to end, becoming friends fast and sharing each other's lives. Jensen couldn't believe how lucky he was, but something still gnawed at him.

After a while, Jensen was fingering his cup and he looked at Jared, "Hey, Jared, why did you ask me out for coffee?"

Jared looked a little taken aback by the question but he shrugged and smirked, "From the first shell-shocked look you gave me, I was just drawn to you and your clumsiness."

Jensen laughed and turned to gaze out the window into the night. _I was drawn to you…_

Jared looked at the clock after what seemed like just half an hour but jumped up, startling Jensen.

"Oh, crap," Jared said, fishing out his wallet.

"What is it?" Jensen asked, looking round at the diner, then his eyes settled on the clock. 5 A.M. it read.

"I have to be on a flight in an hour," Jared said and pulled out a twenty dollar note and set it on the table. He put his wallet away and looked at Jensen. "I'm really sorry Jen, but I have to leave now."

"S'kay," Jensen said, but his heart fell a little, "You have your responsibilities."

Jared sighed and took out his phone. "Can I have your number?" he asked, looking up hopefully at Jensen.

Jensen's lips thinned out. "Sorry, Jared, but I don't have a phone."

"Seriously?" Jared said, face falling a little, "You don't have to lie, you can just tell me if you're not interested."

Jensen didn't know how much of this he could take. He had been waiting for someone to come out and tell him it's a joke, but no one came, so he just shook his head. "Jared, would I lie to you of all people?" he said, feeling terrible, but offered a smile to him. "You know how to find me," Jensen said and nudge his head in the general direction of the diner, "I'll be here if you ever need someone to talk to."

Jared smiled and got up from the table and Jensen did too. As they walked out from the diner, a car pulled up at the side of the road and Jensen gave Jared a look of pure astonishment that made Jared smirk, "You have your tricks, I have mine."

Jensen laughed and inclined his head to Jared. "It was a pleasure to meet you Jared, I hope you have a good trip."

Suddenly Jensen was pulled into a friendly hug and Jared let go and opened to car door, "Need a ride somewhere?" he asked, but Jensen declined, saying he liked to walk.

Before Jared got into the car, he looked at Jensen with a serious face.

"I'm coming back in three day's Jensen. I want to meet you again. Would that be okay?"

Jensen could do nothing but just nod dumbly at his idol.

Jared got into the car and rolled down the window. "I'll be waiting to see you again, Jen."


	4. Chapter 3: Anticipation And Waiting

**Chapter 3: Anticipation And Waiting**

"_The light of a thousand suns now diminished,_

_You take your flame with you and run._

_Leave me in the darkness, I am done._

_You have left me with nothing; I am finished."_

A constant high. Jensen was the happiest he had ever been.

He got up every morning with a smile on his face and nothing seemed to dampen his mood. Even when his right hand got burnt by the hot fryer, not when his heat was turned off yet again and he was forced to sleep in the cold, not even when he was teased by a group of guys.

All he thought about night and day was Jared. Before he slept he would read A Thousand Pages of Memories, all the words seeming to relate to Jared and him. Every one of the words had a connection to Jared or himself, every verse was a new realization. He cherished that book, carrying it with him almost everywhere he went. He would read it by candlelight, when he was on his break, sometimes even when he was walking back home.

On the third day, Jensen woke up and was almost bursting with anticipation. Today was the day that Jared said he would come and see him. He wore his good pair of clothes, did his hair as best he could, shaved carefully and tried to look as presentable as he could. As he walked past Devan's on his way to work, he saw Devan in the store and he tapped on the window, waving at her. She looked up from her book, smiled brightly and hurried out of the shop.

"Jensen!" she said and hugged him, "How nice to see you again!"

Jensen hugged her back, feeling a warmth in his heart and then smiled sheepishly. "Sorry I haven't been able to come and see you again, Ms. Devan," he said.

"Nonesense," she exclaimed, waving a hand at him, "You're welcome here anytime." Devan came closer to Jensen and said softly, "You and Jared seem to have had quite a pull to each other, huh?" As she said this, she nudged Jensen a little and smirked at Jensen who looked a little startled and a blush began creeping up his neck, but he laughed and shook his head, saying they were just friends.

Devan rainsed her eyebrows. "Why Jensen honey, I've known Jared since before he became Mr. Popularity, and I know how that boy works. If I know one thing, I know that love-look in his eyes from a mile away," she said, squeezing Jensen's arm, "You've made quite an impression on him, you know."

Jensen just stared at her, brain processing all this information at the speed of light. "Wh-…what…" he said, looking confused. "What d'you mean by that…? I made a complete idiot of myself… and I know that Jared… isn't…" he looked down, not continuing, but Devan took his chin up with her thumb and index finger and made Jensen look at her.

"Don't believe everything the tabloids tell you, darling. There's a lot about Jared that only his loved one's know about. Not even the media can get to it." Then she laughed a little, "Although, I can just imagine the media's response to you."

Jensen's eyes widened, "Me?" he asked and Devan shook her head. "Honey, no offense, but you're a gorgeous, no-name from Heaven only knows where. You're kind and gentle, shy and a little introverted and you've made an impression on Jared Padalecki of all people. Do you know how many people would kill to be in your position?"

Jensen swallow and tried not to look desperate, "Well when you put it that way," he said in a quiet voice, "why does he even want to know me, Ms Devan?"

She put her hands on his shoulders, "Jensen honey, you're kind, you're good, you're gentle and honest. That's all Jared looks for in a person. You're obviously intelligent, and from what Jared told me on the phone two nights ago, you're well travelled and you live life at your own pace. Jared craves that: to be his own person." She sighs and looks down for a moment, then meets Jensen's gaze again. "Jared has never liked the limelight. He only did it at his father's bidding and believe me, honey, that boy would rather be with you than with an A-lister out there."

"But what about all the girls he's dated?" Jensen asked, still not giving up. It was a well known fact that Jared had a taste for a certain type of girl, and Jensen knew that.

Devan grinned at Jensen then. "Like I said darling, don't believe everything the media tells you. Jared may have dated those girls, but for how long? I daresay the longest one he's dated last about four months?"

"Five actually," Jensen said automatically, then caught himself and looked down shyly, "Sorry."

Devan simply laughed and shook Jensen a little, "See, you know him well. The only thing he told me he really wants is to know you."

Jensen just couldn't believe her. He didn't want to put expectations where he shouldn't be putting them, but he couldn't help it. This man, this perfect godsend wanting to know Jensen. The why question had been answered so well by Devan that it left no room for argument, but if Jared found out about Jensen's past, would he still want to be with him? Would Jared run if he found out about the rape, about the brothel… about Jensen's family?

Jared held family as one of the most important things in his life, so how would he react to Jensen's lack of it? There would be question's, of course, but what then?

All these questions were swirling around in Jensen's head as he bid farewell to Devan and as he walked to the diner. His mood was a little dampened by the questions, but he didn't let that hinder him from being precise and efficient in the workplace. He got the orders out on time, washed the dishes till they sparkled, chatted with some of the regulars and made sure that all the inventory was accounted for.

By the end of the day, he was exhausted, but his hope was rekindled at the thought that Jared would be walking through the door soon, coming to see Jensen. Thank god the Moonstar diner had a back shower for their staff, so Jensen took a shower there and changed into his regular clothes. He came to the front of the shop, hoping to see Jared already waiting for him, but his face fell a little when he didn't see him. Jensen went and sat in the same place that he and Jared had sat the last time and ordered dinner for himself and a cup of steaming hot coffee for Jared.

_One hour late…_

Jensen had eaten his dinner and his plate had been cleared. He had ordered his second cup of tea and had resisted the urge to take out his book and read it. Chas had come and asked him whether he was meeting Jared again and when he had nodded, she had squealed in delight and wished him luck, telling him that if he needed anything to just holler.

_Three hours late…_

Jensen had given in and had been reading for the better part of the hour. He was on his fourth cup of tea and still going strong. The ice cold cup of coffee had been replaced and every so often, he would look at the slow swirls of hot air rising from the mug and sigh. Once or twice he looked outside into the night to try and catch a glimpse of the mane of perfect auburn hair, or the black city car but they were to no avail.

_Five hours later…_

Jensen finally gave up. This was all a joke. He was the butt of a sick joke. Again. Dejected, ashamed and heart-broken, he put some money on the table and got up to leave. Chas glanced at him from taking an order and reached out to him as he passed by, sympathetically holding his shoulder and offering an encouraging smile. _Don't give up_, it told him, but he just looked away, tears threatening him.

He got out of the diner and looked up to the clear night sky. It was a cold night and the stars looked even colder, seeming to sneer at Jensen for believing in such a lie. He didn't know who would do that, but he silently cursed whoever would play such an evil trick on him.

He wiped away a tear that had slid down his cheek and he turned away from the night sky, putting his head down and walking with a defeated pace. He made his way back to his apartment, not looking at who he stumbled into, muttering apologies and not looking at people in the eye.

As he closed his room door, he let the tears come. A flood of pain and shame. Jensen slumped against the wood of the door and cried his heart out.

How could he have thought that Jared was for real? What made him so special anyway. He was a nobody, a piece of nothing. So many people had been kind to Jensen over the years that he had made himself believe that he was worth something. Even in the brothel, being forced to do things he never wanted to do, Jensen felt like he was worth something. But not anymore.

He sat by his door and sobbed; defeated and alone. Darkness creeping closer and closer.


	5. Chapter 4: Glad Tidings

**Chapter 4: Glad Tidings**

"_Listen my angel, listen to my voice,_

_I call out to you, bringing comfort and love._

_I come with open arms and a choice,_

_You have but to answer 'yes' and you will have everything, my dove."_

Four days later, Jensen still hadn't gone to work once… or gotten out of bed for that matter. He hadn't bothered with shaving, even skipping a few meals. He wasn't really hungry or thirsty anyway. At the back of his mind, he knew what he was doing was dangerous and totally irrational, but all of his senses were pretty much dulled to nothing.

There was a knock on the door and Jensen opened his eyes a crack. The light streaming in from the little bit of his windows that weren't covered with the Laundromats sign hurt his eyes. He sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes. There was another knock on the door and Jensen got out of bed and almost tripped on the litter of used tissue boxes on the floor. _I should really get a wastepaper basket,_ Jensen thought to himself as he walked to the front door and unlatched it but stopped himself.

"Who is it," Jensen asked quietly, throat feeling like sandpaper.

"It's a friend," a voice came from the other side, "a friend with Chinese food!"

Jensen sighed but smiled as he opened the door and looked at the lady standing there. "Hi Devan," he said and was pulled into a hug by the older woman.

"Oh Jensen," Devan said, hugging him close, "I was so worried about you."

Jensen's brows furrowed and he chased away fresh tears that were creeping up. Clearing his throat as he detached himself from Devan, he blinked hard a few times and smiled at her. "How'd you find me," he asked her. She huffed out a chuckle, "Jensen, you have your ways of hiding, I have my ways of finding." As she said this, Jensen gestured for her to come in which she gratefully accepted. She was keen to get out of the cold of the corridor, but when she went in, she thought it was better to be outside. The small apartment was freezing!

She cast an eye around the apartment which she was shocked to see was only about the size of her bookstore; and that wasn't very big. A mattress in one corner with a built in cabinet next to it, a hotel-fridge that Devan was sure couldn't hold much and a makeshift bathroom with half a broken mirror over the sink. The apartment was in a sorry state, but it was clean.

"Wow, Jensen," Devan said wrapping her coat a little tighter around her, "you like it freezy huh?"

Jensen turned around and looked apologetically and told her to sit down on the only chair that was in the apartment. He went over to the built-in cabinet and brought Devan a thick blanket to cover herself with. "Sorry about the lack of heat," he said, embarrassed look on his face, "the heat almost never works."

Devan wrapped the blanket around herself a little more securely and looked up worriedly at Jensen. "Don't you get cold, Jensen?" she asked, holding onto his hand which was almost ice cold.

Jensen shrugged and offered a small smile. "A little, but burying myself under the clothes really helps."

Devan had to look away from the young man or she may actually start crying. This boy that Devan had seen pass by her store every day. The boy she's seen giving money to the beggars on the roadside. The boy that has always bought a pack of food from the diner he works at for Phil, the homeless man that sleeps next to her store; he lives in this condition and can still smile about it.

She calmed herself down quickly and turned to Jensen and stood up and handed him the pack of food. "Now I don't want you to take this as charity, Jensen. I was just so worried about you." Her brows knot together and she sighs, "Jensen, Jared told me what happened; about how he missed your meeting date." She takes his hands and squeezes them and his smile wavers a little but she continues on. "Jensen, he didn't mean to not come, his plane got delayed at the airport and he only got in the next day. He went to the diner straightaway but you weren't there."

Jensen fought hard to keep his tears in, but some escape his eyes and he looks down, not wanting to catch Devan's gaze, but she takes his face up in her hands and looks into his stunningly green irises. "Jensen, Jared has been waiting for you in that diner for four days now." Jensen's eyes widen and he gasps. "Darling, he goes there every night and sits at the table where you first shared a cup of coffee with him."

Not daring to believe it, but hope rearing its head within Jensen and roaring triumphantly, he couldn't help but crash into Devan, hugging her and crying. He sobbed into her arms, half happy and half beating himself up.

Four days. Jared had been waiting for Jensen for four days while Jensen lay in bed and wallowed in self pity. He could kill himself right now.

Letting go of Devan, he kissed both her cheeks and beamed at her. "Devan, I don't know how to thank you," he said, wiping away his tears with a corner of his t-shirt.

As he lifted the material, Devan noticed lines on the part of Jensen's stomach that was exposed. _Not lines… scars._

She began to ask him what it was but then she thought otherwise. Whatever it was, it wasn't for her to pry. She just laughed with Jensen and patted him on the cheek. She didn't know what it was about the boy, but she loved him dearly. She wanted to shield him from the world and protect him. Was it his air of complete innocence or the look in his eye that told her that he'd seen more of the dark side of life to last a lifetime?

After an hour of talking with Jensen, she told him that she had to get back to her shop and he thanked her for the food again. As she was walking out, she suddenly turned around and looked Jensen square in the face. "Jensen, I'm going to ask you a question now, and I want you to think about this hard," she said, and she saw Jensen's defenses come up instantly.

"What is it?" he said simply and Devan tried to look serious, but the serious look never reached her eyes.

"Jensen, I want you to think about moving in with me."

His jaw went slack and he backed away from Devan a little. "Miss Devan, I could never," he began to say while he wrapped his arms around himself but she shushed him.

"Oh honey," Devan said, but didn't move from where she was standing. His reaction startled had startled her a little. "Jensen, I've told you to just call me Devan," she started, "and I'm not asking you for your hand in marriage, darling, just to consider coming to live with me."

Jensen retreated a little more, expression wary and eyes fearful. "Why?" he said.

Devan's brow's furrowed a little. What was with this reaction. Wouldn't Jensen have been happy to get out of this place, Devan wondered but took a step towards Jensen instead. "Jensen, I'm just making this offer so that you can be with a friend, so that you'll stop starving yourself and living in an ice box." She looked don't and whispered, "I care about you, Jensen. I don't know why, but I do," she looked at him again, "and I don't want to see you living like this anymore."

As she gestured around the room, Jensen's face crumpled and he sniffed once. Never had anyone been so kind to him. Bringing him a pack of food was one thing, but asking him to stay with them; telling him that someone actually cares about him. this was too much for one day, let alone the news about Jared.

Jensen sat down on the chair, staring down at his knees. He thought about all the other people that asked him to stay with them. Over the years, many people had asked Jensen to stay with them. always he had declined, making up some story or saying he would think about it and leave in the middle of the night. It had always been so easy to do, so why was he finding it so hard to do now?

"I'm not asking you to give me an answer right now, Jensen," Devan's voice came and he glanced up at her and choked out a laugh. "It's not that, Mi-… Devan," he said, "It's just that I don't know how to say no. I would love to, but I'm happy here; I have something to call my own. It's not much, I know, but its something I worked for…"

Devan went over to Jensen and knelt in front of him. she smiled up at him and brushed his cheek with the palm of her hand. "Of course I understand, darling," she said, "but you've got to promise me one thing then."

"Anything," he said.

She looked him in the eye and said softly to him. "If Jared ever asks you to move in with him. I want you to go, alright?"

He cocked his head to the side, a confused expression passing his face. "Why would he-" but she put a finger to his lips. "Promise me you'll go with him Jensen," she said, "you deserve someone like Jared. He's good and kind and he loves you Jensen, he really loves you."

Jensen's eyes swam a little, but he nodded and leaned away from her finger.

"I promise that if Jared asks me to move in with him that I'll say yes."


	6. Chapter 5: Snapshots of Love

**Chapter 4: Snapshots of Love**

"_There are a thousand things I would say to you,_

_A thousand ways I could show how you give me bliss._

_But there is nothing more true,_

_Than saying how much I love you with a kiss."_

Now it wasn't just because of Jared that Jensen was scared shitless about going back to the Moonstar diner. No, he also hadn't gone to work for four days and he was pretty sure that he had lost his job. Jeffrey, the manager had probably hired someone new and would tell him that he wasn't welcome there anymore, but Jensen knew that Jared be waiting there at night for him, so as Jensen stood outside of the diner, he steeled himself for what was awaiting him.

As he pushed the door to the diner open, there was a boom of 'JENSEN!''s and he was almost knocked over by Chas, Jeffrey and a few other people. He was stunned for a moment, his heart began to pound and he broke out into a cold sweat. Too many memories of the rape of group orgies raced through his mind. As his friends stepped back, Jeffrey clapped Jensen on the back and put an arm around his shoulders.

"Jensen, m'boy, I was worried about you," he boomed, kind eyes searching Jensen's face.

Jensen smiled a little, trying to find his voice, but Jeffrey chuckled gruffly at him and old him to come into his office. As Jeffrey lead Jensen into the back of the diner, Jensen managed to glance over at the table where Jared and him had sat at and stopped. Jeffrey came to a halt and looked at Jensen then followed his line of sight to where Jensen was staring at. He laughed and tugged Jensen along, "All in good time," he murmured.

There was a 'Reserved from 10 P.M. onwards' sign plastered to the wall next to the table.

In Jeffrey's office. AC whirring happily and a table neatly stacked with papers and files. Jensen sat down in front of Jeffrey and instead of Jeffrey going to his seat behind the table, he took the seat next to Jensen and smirked at Jensen.

"So," he began, "you weren't at work for four days and now you show up here as bold as brass. I'm guessing you've come here to grovel and plea for your job back, Jensen?"

Jensen's breath hitched a little and he clenched his hands to his knees a little. _Tell me what you want. Give in to me. Moan for me. Take it all you little slut._

Jeffrey saw Jensen's expression change to one of pure fear and he quickly tried to amend himself. "Boy, I'm just joking," he said and Jensen's shoulder drooped a little, "I wouldn't ask you to do something like that."

Jensen managed a smile and sniffed a little. "I'm sorry, Jeffrey," he said and looked down, "I understand if you want t-to cut my pay for a while or something."

"Cut your-… Jensen, I'm just glad I didn't read in the paper that they found your dead body in a river!" Jeffrey said in a kind voice, causing Jensen to look up at the man. Jeffrey was a good man, always joking and laughing but he was a hard manager when he had to be. All in all, he was the closest that Jensen ever had to a father figure. "Boy, you listen to me and you listen hard. There'll always be a place for you here, any time you need it," Jeffrey said squeezing Jensen's arm a little.

Jensen's tear ducts were working overtime already, but as Jensen leapt into a hug, tears came streaming down his face. Jeffrey was surprised by the reaction, but he hugged Jensen back. He knew that the young man had been through a lot, but he just didn't know what. He saw it in the way Jensen shied away from people sometimes, or how he would look down and suddenly become submissive. He saw it in the way Jensen's hands would tremble a little when he served food to someone that looked like they were having a bad day. He saw it when Jensen would let people speak over him or how he would quietly observe others with a slightly longing and confused look on his face.

He let go of Jensen and looked away, giving Jensen some privacy to clean up his face. Jensen wiped the tear away with his sleeve and cleared his throat, "sorry," he said and Jeffrey looked back at him and shook his head. "don't worry about it," he said.

"Now Jensen, I'm gonna give you your old job back, but I'll make some changes in your schedule, alright?" Jeffrey said and Jensen cocked his head to the side with confusion.

"Why is that, Mr Jeffrey?" Jensen asked.

Jeffrey stood up and opened his door to the office. "Jensen, you're seeing someone now and that someone is Jared-bloody-Padalecki, if I don't give you more time with someone like him, people might start thinking I'm a slave driver."

Jensen's eyes widened, "Sir," he said, "I'm not seeing him like that. We're just friends. And I can accept the time off and the same pay, it would be unfair and unethical to the others. Chastity works and studies and she could use the free time to work on her assignments, Brenda has three kids and she should be given more time to see them; she works three jobs just to support them!" Jensen got up from the chair and smiled at Jeffrey. "I appreciate the offer, Mr. Jeffrey, but I don't need it. Give it to Brenda and Chas, please, sir."

Jeffrey huffed out a chuckle and shook his head. "Jensen, Jensen, Jensen, if there were more people like you in the world, I think we would stop worrying about world hunger," he laughed and patted Jensen on the shoulder, "I'll give it to them, okay?"

Jensen smiled brilliantly and Jeffrey couldn't help but shake his head at the child-like innocence in that smile. He lead Jensen out to the main diner and Jensen stopped again, head turned to the table again. "Why…?" he began but Jeffrey grinned at him.

"Now, that little sign happened because of you," he said and Jensen gave him yet another confused look. "Jared had been coming in for two nights and quite the little posse had gathered outside already. He took that seat every night, but these groups of girls kept trying to… well hit on him. So I put that sign up there on the third night and I told him that no one'll disturb him anymore. But still, you get your odd girl or ten coming in and pretending to be a customer." He looks at Jensen's apologetic face and points a finger at him, "don't you go off apologizing now, business has doubled and I even hired a new waitress. I just wanna see my staff happy, and I know for a fact that he makes you happy, Jensen, so there." Jensen blushed a little and Jeffrey shrugged, "besides, he tips real good."

Jensen nudged Jeffrey a little and smiled at the man. "Thank you, Mr. Jeffrey," he said and Jeffrey told him not to worry about it. "You can work the night shift tonight, alright?" he said and Jensen nodded, "That way, once you get off, loverboy'll be waiting for his prince already." Jensen blushed furiously, earning a booming laugh from Jeffrey.

Jensen enjoyed the night shift for three reasons: 1. He liked the quieter time, he felt that the people that came had interesting stories to tell. 2. He loved the night. It was the most romantic thing to see the moon and the stars. 3. It was peaceful.

However, tonight, he was beginning to get a little flustered, ironically, for three reasons. 1. It was NOT quiet. At all. People came bustling in and out, hordes of teenage girls, laughing and flipping their hair. 2. The night was being taken over by the media. The scattered flash from a camera or a question from what was a customer turned tabloid writer. 3. The peace was broken with waitresses filling in orders, the cooks shouting out the readied plates of food and the white noise of conversation.

Jensen moved quickly, not making eye contact with people, serving order fast and ducking questions. Chas, who was working the night shift with him asked him if he was okay in regular intervals and he always said that he was okay, but in truth, he was far from even the thought of okay. He couldn't handle the crowd, the noise, the constant buzz. All he wanted to do was to huddle up in a corner or to run back to his apartment and lock the door behind him. But he didn't.

A little after 10 P.M, Jensen was working the dish-cleaning when there was a sudden roar of noise which startled him, making him jump where he was standing. People were screaming Jared's name, calling out that they loved him and Jensen went cold inside. He knew that Jared was coming, but he didn't realize that he would have practically the whole media world on him. He stood beside the giant sink, wishing he could just drown himself in it when Chas came to the back and smiled widely at him.

"Jared's here!" she squeal and shook him a little, "d'you wanna go see him now, Jensen?"

He shook his head, turning back to the sink. "N-not now," he said hoarsely, "too… m-many people…"

Chas came close to Jensen and stroked his back, "It's okay, Jen, we'll get you to him somehow." Before Jensen could reply, Jeffrey came in and smiled at Jensen. "Jen, your boyfriend is here, and he doesn't know you're here."

Jensen swallowed and looked down. "I… can't do this," he said.

Chas and Jeffrey exchanged a worried look. "Why not?" Chas said, looking concerned.

Jensen looked up at them and licked his lips before taking a plate and scrubbing it a little. "I don't know what to say to him. I hurt him and he's not gonna forgive me." Jeffrey narrowed his eyes and walked up to Jensen and smacked the back of his head. "Ow! What was that for?" Jensen exclaimed, wincing and rubbing his head a little.

"Boy, sometimes you're dumber than a sack of potatoes, y'know," Jeffrey said but his face softened, "Jared doesn't want your sorries, Jen, he wants you. He doesn't need you to fumble around with words like normal, he just wants you to be yourself. If you haven't realized already, Jen, you've got him wrapped around you."

"Jensen, it's true," Chas added, "He's been asking me about you; where you've been, how you are, whether you're even interested in him anymore. I couldn't even answer him except to tell him that you'll always be interested in him."

Jensen choked out a laughed and smiled at them, putting all his love for them into his eyes. "Thanks guys," he said and wiped his hands on his apron. "I'll go and see him when I get off okay?" Jeffrey smacked him again, "You'll march your pretty face out there now and see him," he said.

Jensen shook his head and tried to back up, but he ended up with his back against the frozen foods fridge. "N-no, Jeffrey, I'm not presentable." Jeffrey looked at Chas and she stepped forward. "Here," she said and swiped his brow and nose with a tissue and carefully moved his hair a little to get the small wisps of hair out of his face. she stepped back and smiled at Jensen. "Go, Jen, he's been waiting for you for so long already."

Jensen looked at the both of them, trying to find some excuse to wiggle himself out of it, but finally, he sighed and stepped forward. "Okay…" he said uncertainly. Jeffrey stood on the right side of him, Chas on the left and he felt a little better having them next to him.

They walked through the kitchen together and when Jensen was almost to the front, he turned, giving in to his nerves, but Jeffrey caught him and whipped him around, "You can do this, Jensen," he said quietly and Jensen whimpered a little when he saw a few flashes of light go off.

Slowly, he stepped through the kitchen and walked to the front. There were so many people around that Jensen was sure that Jared wouldn't see him, but Jared glanced up from his mug of coffee and his eyes caught Jensen's. Jared's expression changed, his eyes growing wide and mouth parting a little, he jumped up from his seat, causing people to turn and look in interest and Jensen saw out of the corner of his eye that several camera's shot up, trailing Jared.

Jared walked over to Jensen and took his face into his hands. "You took your time, huh?" Jared said and smiled.

Then he leaned down and kissed Jensen.


	7. Chapter 6: The Question

**Chapter 6: The Question**

"_The petty ways mortals seek to understand love and life,_

_Never shall they understand the ways of the heart._

_If we live in the constant turbulence of strife,_

_The light of life would be sure to depart."_

Time was a petty concern right now. People were mere afterthoughts. The flashes of lights and the gasps from the audience were muted lights and sounds. There was nothing that could break this piece of glass heaven. Nothing could get through the perfect moment and ruin it, nothing could stop this perfect moment.

Jared finally let go of Jensen's lips after what seemed like months of them molded as one. Jensen looked up at Jared with a smile that could stop traffic. Jensen put his arms on Jared shoulders and laughed a little, "Yuh-you really know h-how to make a m-move, huh?" he said, trying to catch his breath and Jared's smirk widened. "No one ever told me differently," he said smugly.

Then they realized that they were in a diner full of adoring Jared fans, not to mention about fifty media people… and everyone was stone cold silent. Jensen instinctively went closer to Jared trying to hide himself, looking for a way out of the situation. Jared, sensing Jensen's fear, put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer, hiding him from the people's view. There was a sudden boom of noise from all around them, people screaming questions and the media taking blinding shots from their camera's. Jensen turned his face away and quietly whimpered a little and Jared looked around, searching for some help.

Suddenly there was Jeffrey and Chas, along with a few other staff members, warding the sea of people off, making a circle around Jared ad Jensen. Jared's security guards stepped up from somewhere and even a few police officers came to help them. "Back alley, turn left!" Jeffrey shouted at them over the shouts and Jared looked round and quickly walked to the back of the diner with Jensen. They got through the kitchen and stumbled into the alleyway behind the diner. Jared walked fast, carefully hiding Jensen from view and stopped at the opening of the alley. He peeked out and looked left and right before turning to Jensen and gazing down at the shaken man.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, cupping the back of Jensen's neck. Jensen licked his lips and inhaled a little before looking up at Jared with a small smile, "Yeah," he said and Jared leaned down and kissed his cheek. "C'mon," he said, "We'll go to Devan's okay?" Jensen nodded and they both got out of the alley and treaded the streets as inconspicuously as they could.

As Jensen and Jared had left their coats behind, by the time they got to Devan's, they were shivering slightly and their breath was coming out in stuttering gasps. Jensen was more accustomed to the cold, having had to endure more than his fair share of freezing nights, but Jared found it hard to breathe a little and Jensen worried about him. He had put his hands on Jared's chest, trying to give some warmth to Jared's chest but his hands were cold.

Jensen knocked on the glass door of Devan's shop and after a few minutes, she opened the door, ushering them in hurriedly. She was dressed in her nightgown with a robe pulled over it and her face wore a worried expression. She told them to go upstairs to her apartment and when they had settled in with warm blankets around them and a mug of steaming hot chocolate in their hands, she finally sat down, blowing out a breath of relief.

"I was so worried about you boys," she said, looking tired but happy, "I saw what happened in the diner on the news. The world is probably going mad by now." Jensen's eyes grew wide, filling with fear and his mouth tightened into a narrow line. Jared saw Jensen's expression change and pulled Jensen close, putting his blankets around Jensen too and nudging his forehead with his. "I'm so sorry about this, Jen," he said, but Jensen steeled himself before answering. "It's okay, Jared," he said and looked at Devan, "Thank you, Devan, I don't know to ever repay you."

She smiled warmly at him and reached over, putting a hand on his shoulder, "You don't have to do anything, Jensen," then she turned and raised an eyebrow at Jared, "You, on the other hand, need to do something. You've got to make a statement or something," she said and Jared's sighed heavily. "I guess I have to come out huh," he said and smiled at Devan, causing her to laugh a little, "I suppose so," she said.

Jensen glanced from Devan to Jared. "Jared, what are you saying?" Something inside Jensen was starting to happen. He didn't know what it was, but it was a nice feeling. the want to be by Jared's side forever, walking life with him wherever he went, supporting him through his life. As Jensen gazed into Jared eyes that were filling with love, he realized that all he ever wanted and all he will ever want was right here in front of him.

Jared set down his mug of hot chocolate and took Jensen's away before taking Jensen's hands in his. Devan got up and walked out of the room, saying that she had left the kettle on but giving Jared a sly smile before she left.

Jared bit his lip a little before turning back at Jensen and kissing both his hands. "Jensen Ackles… would you… be my boyfriend?" Jared asked him and Jensen's mouth fell open. He couldn't believe what was happening. What parallel universe had he entered? There must be some sort of crazy thing happening here. "Wh-why?" Jensen blurted out, taking Jared by surprise.

"Why what?" Jared asked, confused, "I… want to be with you, Jensen, isn't that enough?" Jensen caught himself and squeezed Jared's hands a little, "Jared… I'm asking you why me. I'm nobody…" he said.

Jared shook his head and let go of Jensen's hands and held onto his shoulders. "Jensen, you're someone to me. I may not know everything about you, but I want to. I may not know what your fears are, but I want to face them with you. I don't know why, Jensen, but I want to be with you from today till the end of forever."

By the end of that, Jensen's cheeks were wet with tears and he lunged at Jared, hugging him and burying his face in Jared's neck. "Yes," Jensen said, muffled a little, but Jared heard it loud and clear. His heart filled with love and he hugged Jensen back, offering comfort and trust. They stayed like that for god knows how long, content in each other's grasp.

After a while, they let go of each other but Jensen looked up at Jared shyly. "Could I…?" he asked and Jared smiled happily and nodded. Jensen leaned up and Jared tilted his head down a little and their lips met again. Softly and gently.

There was a happy laugh behind them and they let go. They looked around and saw Devan standing in the doorway, crying happily with her hands to her mouth. Jensen turned beet red and Jared smirked brilliantly at her and she ran to them and hugged them both. "Oh, I'm s-so happy f-for you!" she said and when she let go of them, they all burst out laughing. Jared at Devan's flushed cheeks, Devan at Jensen's traffic light red face and Jensen at the whole situation.

Later that night, at Devan's instruction, Jared and Jensen lay in Devan's pull out bed. Jared had very wisely kept a bag of clothes at Devan's in case he ever needed it, and it proved to be useful. Jared had lent Jensen a pair of sleeping pants and a t-shirt and although he looked rather floppy in the size-too-big clothes, as Jensen came out from the bathroom, head turned down and hands together in front of him, Jared couldn't help but gasp in wonder.

How one person could make a pair of sleeping clothes so amazingly hot, Jared just couldn't wrap his head around it. Jensen turned off the light and closed the door behind him and said to Jared, still not meeting his gaze, "Uh… h-how d'you wanna… s-sleep tonight, Jared?"

Jared smirked lopsidedly and went over to Jensen. He took Jensen's chin in his hand, turned his face up and kissed him. "With you," Jared said and led him to the bed.

Sudden flashes of Jensen being put into embarrassing positions by strangers. Jensen being bent over and forced to do things he didn't want to. _No,_ Jensen thought to himself, …_this is Jared. This is different._ He pushed the thoughts away and as the both of them lay down in bed, Jensen in Jared's arms, all the fears of what had happened to Jensen in the past melted away.

Jared held Jensen close, legs tangling under the sheets and bodies finding warmth with each other. Jensen nuzzled a little into Jared's chest a little, causing Jared to chuckle a little and kiss Jensen's forehead.

"Goodnight, Jen," Jared said softly, "Everything will be better tomorrow, okay?" Jensen smiled into Jared's embrace. "Okay, Jay..." Jared looked down at Jensen and the other man looked up at him shyly, "Sorry," he said but Jared stopped him, "I like it," he said and Jensen smiled contentedly.

"I love you, Jay."

"I love you too, Jen."


	8. Chapter 7: Shards of Light and Memory

**Chapter 7: Shards of Light and Memory**

"_Nothing shall compare the your light,_

_No foe shall stand against its might._

_When I step into the darkness of night,_

_I pray that once again you shall be in my sight."_

Jensen opened his eyes slowly, an unnatural amount of light hitting his face. He groaned a little; when did the sign over the Laundromat fall? Then he felt a whisper of breath tickling his neck and felt a body press up against his back firmly and he froze. He opened his eyes fully and looked around.

At first he thought he was back in the brothel, then memories flashed through his head – the diner, lights flashing, running through the back alley, coming to Devan's almost frozen… Jay.

Jensen dared not move, fearing that this was all a dream and that if he did, the dream would shatter. So many nights had he gone to bed imagining Jared wrapping his arms around him, whispering a goodnight and drifting off in a lovers embrace. Jensen just couldn't believe that this was really happening now. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and jerked in surprised a little when Jared's grip on his tightened and there was a sharp intake of breath behind him.

"Mmm…" Jared moaned softly and Jensen knew he was squinting at the light. He felt Jared bury his head in the small space between his neck and shoulder, nose tickling his upper back and Jensen's heart hammered in his chest. He put a tentative hand on Jared's arm and turned around to face the other man.

Jared looked amazing in the morning light. Even though his hair was ruffled and there was a little dirt around the corner of his eyes, the sleepy smile that Jared gave Jensen almost made Jensen have heart failure. "G'morning…" Jared sighed happily, holding Jensen closer and Jensen blushed a little. "Good morning, Jay," Jensen replied, wrapping his arms around Jared, nuzzling into his neck a little. Looking up from the embrace, Jensen reached up and brushed the dirt away from Jared eyes and Jared opened them again, smiling down at Jensen.

"Y'know," Jared said, "I can't think of anyone else I would wanna wake up with." Jensen swallowed a little, a flush creeping up his neck and when Jared noticed that, he brought his hand up and cupped the back of Jensen's neck, bringing him up to Jared's face. "You need to control that blush of yours Jen," he said and kissed Jensen, keeping it chaste. Electric shot through Jensen and he closed his eyes, relishing the moment.

After a few minutes, Jensen heard shuffling from the other room and let go of Jared's lips. Jared pouted a little, but as Jensen quickly sat up in bed and practically flew across the room to the double-seat couch, sitting down, trying to look unconcerned about the world, Devan came into the room carrying a tray of what smelled like heaven. She stopped and glanced at Jared's confused face and then at Jensen's mildly unconcerned face and she burst out into giggles.

"Oh Jensen, really, I'm a grown woman and there isn't anything I haven't seen before," she laughed out and Jensen stared at her with an expression of horror and embarrassment. "Besides," she said while setting down the tray on the bed, "You two looked so comfortable last night." Jensen cocked his head in confusion, "Why do you know that," he asked.

She shrugged and smirked, "I was thirsty, kitchen is that a-way, so yeah… don't worry, I didn't see anything." Jared sat up in bed crossed legged and shook his head at Devan. "Nothing happened, Van," he said and she just put up her hands and smirked, "I'm just saying. Anyway, there's breakfast, finish it and then," she pointed at Jared, "You have work to do." Jared sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "Yeah, I know." He turned to Jensen and extended his hand to him, "Breakfast, Jen?"

Jensen was amazed my how fast news travelled. As he walked from Devan's to his apartment later that day, he glanced at the newspapers and there was a giant picture of him and Jared kissing on the front page with 'JARED'S DINER DASH' printed in huge letters. Jensen silently thanked god that Jared's hands had covered most of his face so that he was almost unidentifiable.

Devan had lent him a coat, beanie and a pair of sunglasses and he took extra precaution on his way back. He didn't look anyone in the face, walked fast and tried to be as inconspicuous as he could. When he finally got back to his room, he sighed and went into the kitchen, took a glass of water and slumped on the kitchen counter.

He went over everything that happened from start to finish and then from finish to start; going over details and incidents that had taken place. Finally he had come up with three things that had cause this whole thing to happen. 1. Devan's bookstore, 2. Jensen's obsession, 3. the book.

Sitting up from the counter, Jensen went over to his mattress and pulled out the already slightly battered copy of A Thousand Pages of Memories. He flipped through the pages, looking at random quotes and pages. There were two coffee stains on three pages, there was a crease on the spine of the book and some of the pages had a watermark on them, but as Jensen held the book in his hands, he realized that it was his most treasured possession right now.

At Devan's instruction, he packed a backpack of clothes, which was almost everything he had. He showered and changed and took up his backpack. Just before he went out of the apartment, he took a look around the room. He didn't know why, but he felt like things were about to change. Something told him that something was going to change now, maybe for the best, maybe not, but he knew something was going to happen.

Jensen closed the door and locked it.

Walking back to Devan's at a leisurely pace, taking in the sunshine and the cool crisp breeze. He loved days like these, always reminding him that there were good days no matter how much he went through. He closed his eyes a moment, knowing he wouldn't bump into anyone as the sidewalk was almost entirely clear and tilted his chin up a little, soaking in the vitamin D.

"Nice day, isn't it?" a voice came and Jensen started, opening his eyes and looking round for the owner of the voice. His blood froze in fear when he saw the five men standing behind him. "N-no…" Jensen whispers hoarsely but the man that spoke chuckled menacingly. "No? But weren't you just leaning those cocksucking lips up to the light, huh?" They formed a circle around Jensen and blocked any way of escape.

Jensen stumbled back, his brows knitting together, memories flashing through his head. "No, please…" he started but one of the other's smirked. "Mmm, yeah, that sounds about right. those little pleas for more. What a slut." The men laughed and one of them grabbed Jensen's backpack from him. "Well, well," he said, opening the backpack, "Little whore running again? Where'd you want to go, little bitch? To your beloved Jared?"

Jensen stopped and turned around, staring at him, "H-how…"

"Oh, how did we know about Jared?" he asked sarcastically, "We've been watching you for day's now Jensen. Watching where you were, what you were doing. You had no clue!" They laughed and more flashes of memories flit through Jensen's mind. He knew this was bad; really bad. But he couldn't fight it, he knew that he had to, but fear held him strong, his memories gripped him like a vice, paralyzing him.

"So," the leader said while taking Jensen's neck into his hands, choking him a little, "let's go have some fun huh?"

Jensen whimpered a little, recollections of days of torture, not seeing the daylight… being raped continuously by these five men.

_Jay…_


	9. Chapter 8: Phone Calls To No One

**Chapter 8: Phone Calls To No One**

"_If I were to wait but for a moment for you,_

_If I had to spend a minute without your love._

_I would surely pine for you,_

_Until you were back in my arms, my dove."_

Three days and still no sign of Jensen. Jared had been frantic the last few days, calling every one of his contacts and dialing every law enforcement agency. Two hours after Jensen had left Devan's, Jared had begun to worry about him but Devan had reassured him that Jensen just needed some alone time.

Six hours later and even Devan had shown signs of worry. Jared was on edge by then and Devan had told him that she would go to his apartment and see what happened. Jared wanted to go too, but she told him no, to stay there in case Jensen came back.

She had called Jared twenty minutes later, voice quivering. She told him that Jensen's apartment was empty, that there was no note or anything. Jared freaked out, he knew that something was wrong; thus began the search.

Three days later and Jared had his feelers far and wide. Not only in Canada, but the United States and several other countries were looking for Jensen. If anyone even got a whiff of Jensen, Jared would b the first to know. He had been on the receiving end of hundreds of phone calls and Devan had set up a makeshift base of operations in her apartment. She had closed her shop and dedicated herself to finding Jensen and had never left Jared's side. They worked tirelessly, but by the end of the third day, Devan could see that Jared was starting to shut down.

She told him to get a good rest, no excuses and he had slept through the night and most of the day. His dreams were filled with Jensen; finding him, holding, just being back with him. They had only just gotten together, but Jared knew, even in his dreams, that Jensen was the only one he'll ever need in this life and the next.

Jensen awoke in pain. He coughed a little and pain flared in his chest and stomach. He tried to move, but every move sent shockwaves of agony through him - He couldn't even move his hands. Jensen opened his eyes and the first thing he saw as he turned his head a little was his left arm, streaked with blood. Glancing up, he realized why he couldn't move.

He was tied to the headboard of a bed.

Groaning a little, he tried to move his body up a little to relieve the tension in his arms, but his knees slipped on something wet. After a few more failed attempts, he decided to pull himself up using the cords as an anchor and as he did it, he almost shouted out in pain. It was almost too much for Jensen to bear, but he realized why he was in so much pain. His arms and what he could see of his body and legs were riddled with cuts, bruises, blood and god knows what else.

He was also stark naked.

Jensen's anus hurt a lot. He had to keep his legs open so as to not hurt himself anymore. He was actually quite surprised that his pelvis wasn't dislocated. For some reason he thanked god that his front wasn't exposed; _ever the shy boy, _he thought to himself.

Suddenly he heard a door being opened and heard shoes on the ground, more than one pair.

"Well, look who decided to wake up," a voice came and Jensen shouted out as he felt something cut across his back. A belt he vaguely remembered. "P-please," Jensen gasped, but he only heard laughter.

"P-P-Puh-lease," came a jeer then another three belt whips on his back, "plead like the whore you are!"

Jensen didn't want to, but years of the same treatment kicked in. His body started to react instinctively, butt relaxing but shoulders tensing up. He hated I when it happened, but he couldn't help himself. It was a twisted defense mechanism.

His breath stuttered a little as he felt a pair of legs come up and straddle his hips. His eyes closed and he whimpered as he felt hot breath down his neck. His hands clenched the cords and he bit his lip until it bled when he felt the man push himself into Jensen. He heard the laughs and stinging words, but as the man began to move, he thought about Jared suddenly.

How long had he been out? How many hours… days? He managed to catch a glance of one of the men's watches and Jensen was horrified to find out that it had been five days.

Five days…

He screamed in pain as the man let go his load into Jensen. He could feel fresh friction burns inside him screaming in fiery pain. He gasped as another man pushed his dick into Jensen's mouth and he tried not to choke, but the man was cutting off his air supply a little. He felt tears running down his face, but heard nothing but drunken laughs and bottles clinking.

The man behind him pulled out roughly and his member was quickly replaced by a larger one. Jensen's legs were opened wider and the blood-free spots of skin on Jensen's buttocks turned red in pain. He shut his eyes, wishing for the pain to be done, but it didn't stop.

Come shot down Jensen's throat and he tried to swallow, but there was too much and he ended up spitting most of it out. Suddenly he was grabbed by his hair and his head was yanked up. "When I said swallow," a voice came and his cheek flared in hurt as he was punched across it, "I mean, fucking swallow!" Before Jensen could react, another member was pushing its way into Jensen's mouth.

Jared sat with a cup of coffee in his hands. He was absent-mindedly fingering the rim, thinking about some way to find Jensen when his phone rang. Answering it tiredly, he heard the voice of Special Agent Winger of the FBI.

"Jared," the voice came, "I think we've found Jensen." Jared shot up, almost knocking his coffee over in excitement. "Where?" he asked and rummaged for a paper and pen. "Now Jared, I'll give you the address, but you have to promise me that you're not going to go there alone," Winger said and Jared's anger flared. "Why the hell not," he asked angrily and Devan came into the room, having heard Jared's excitement. "Jared, we've got a team dispatched there, but we need you to keep a level head when you go there. Jensen needs you to be okay for this, Jared, okay?"

Jared sighed and rubbed his face with his hand, "Yeah, okay, just tell me where, please?" The agent told him where it was and Jared scribbled it down. He put down the phone and turned around to see Devan standing there, arms folded. "Now, I know you're not thinking about going down there by yourself, Jared," she said, raising her eyebrows. Jared just stood up and waved her away, "Not now, Van," he said, "I've got to go." She stopped him at the doorway to the living room with her body. "Jared, although I would love you to go and save Jensen by yourself, you can't afford to do that unarmed." She went over to her cabinet and took out a handgun from one of the drawers.

Jared's eyes widened in surprised and she shrugged at him, "What, it's a dangerous neighborhood!" She then looked up at Jared seriously and held his shoulder. "You bring him back, you hear me?" Jared kissed her cheek and smiled, "I hear you, Van." He thanked her quickly and was out of the door the next minute.

When Jared pulled up to the worn down warehouse where Jensen was apparently supposed to be, there were several police cars waiting outside and an ambulance. He got out of his car and was greeted by Special Agent Winger.

"Jared," the agent said, nodding to him and Jared smiled a tight smile. "He's in there?" Jared asked, inclining his head to the warehouse and the agent nodded. "We were just waiting for you to arrive so that we can move in." Jared nodded and began to step forward but was stopped by the agent. "Jared when you get in there… no matter what you see, your priority is making Jensen know he is safe. Okay?" he said and Jared's lips tightened. He nodded.

Jensen was on his fourth man. Well fourth in his butt and third on his lips. Somewhere deep down inside, Jensen wondered how on earth these guys came so much, but he was in too much of pain to dwell on it. Outside, he looked like he was submitting to them, going for the ride and responding to them, but that was all a farce. He learned a long time ago how to act for these people and so far, they were pretty convinced.

He was beginning to black out again, this time he feared from a lack of blood, when suddenly there was a commotion and the members were painfully ripped from him. he groaned a little, head falling on the mattress and there were gunshot sounds. He heard heavy thuds, five of them in total.

Then there were a pair of hands on him, slowly brushing a strak of blood away from his face and a familiar voice. "Jen… Jensen, I'm here…"

"Jay," Jensen whispered hoarsely, "I… I'm sorry…" Jared's eyes overflowed, but he stroked Jensen's hair and softly shushed him. "Don't say sorry," he said quietly.

Slowly, Jensen's eyes closed and his body went limp.


	10. Chapter 9: Learning To Save And Be Saved

**Chapter 9: Learning To Save And Be Saved**

"_Although my body breaks, my heart is still yours,_

_Although my blood may flow, my soul has bonded with yours._

_There is nowhere I would rather be than with you,_

_There is nothing I want to feel but you."_

A month after the incident and the world was still buzzing with the news of Jared and Jensen. Everything was a blur for Jared's PR team. Jared himself had been strained to breaking point for the first two weeks of Jensen being in the hospital, but everything had gotten better.

Private hospital, private doctors. Confidentiality papers, a little under the table bribing. Everything was normal after the four weeks. …or not.

Jensen fidgeted in bed a little, fingers twitching and brows knotting together. Before a second had passed, Jared was there, stroking Jensen's hair and taking his hand. "Jen… Jen, hey, wake up," Jared said quietly and slowly Jensen opened his eyes. There was fear as Jensen looked up at Jared, but the fear dissipated as he realized it was only Jared. He smiled a small smile and sighed. "Sorry…" he mumbled, but Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen's forehead. "It's alright," he said, "I'm here."

The nightmares had lessened over the last two weeks, now happening about three times a night, but the fear never left Jensen's eyes. It had been an absolutely heart-breaking time for Jared. When the doctors had explained the extent of damage that had been inflicted on Jensen, Jared had lost it and punched a wall until his hands were bleeding. When Jensen woke up and started screaming for help, Jared had spent the next hour sobbing in a bathroom stall. When Jared was finally able to be alone with Jensen, his heart broke and mended on regular intervals as Jensen reacted differently every time something happened.

Sometimes a monitor would beep and Jensen would be perfectly fine, but sometimes a door would close halfway down the hall, barely making a sound and Jensen would cringe and clench at the sheets. Jared almost never left Jensen's side anymore. during the physiotherapy or the psychological therapy, Jensen wanted Jared to be there and Jared wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else on the planet.

Jensen was grateful to have Jared there. He thought that Jared wouldn't want to be with him. So many awful thing had he thought when he was being held captive. So many scenario's of Jared telling Jensen hat he was dirty, that he was no good, a piece of dirt; but none of that happened. Jared had always been there for Jensen – taking his hands up when he needed it, hugging him close, drying his eyes when he cried, offering a smile and an encouraging nod when Jensen was unsure of himself.

There were small instances, subtle looks or moments when Jared's face would sink, when Jensen would see the hurt underneath. He felt so guilty for putting Jared through this, but he didn't know how to say it. Every time he tried to talk about it; about how Jared was feeling, Jared would smile, pat his hand or kiss his cheek and tell him that he was fine – that there was nothing to worry about.

But Jensen worried silently anyway.

Two months later and things were finally dying down in the media world. One or two magazines and a few newspapers were still keeping up with Jensen's health, but most saw the story as having run dry.

Jared officially came out to the world the month before, making a statement at one of the interviews that he had done. He had told the world that he was indeed together with Jensen, that he loved him and that he was staying with him. Rumors had exploded, ex-girlfriends questioned, family bombarded with the media.

Everyone had dropped everything they were doing for that piece of golden news. Everything erupted, but Jared kept Jensen safe through it all. Jensen had told Jared one day that he wanted to say something to the media, but Jared had objected, telling Jensen that he was in no condition for it, but Jensen was relentless. Finally, one October evening, Jensen came through the hospital doors supported by Jared and one of the doctors. The media had been assembled outside the hospital and had been given strict instructions not to bombard or harass Jensen with questions, but when they saw him, they had gone wild.

Jared had expected Jensen to not go through with it, but Jensen had stood fast against the surge of people. With microphones shoved into his face and camera's blaring, the still battered-looking Jensen made his statement:

"Most of you know me as the Jared Padalecki's lover – the one that he saved. …My name is Jensen Ackles. Yes, Jared saved me from whatever those guys would have done to me and I'm pretty sure my death; but for the sake of his mental and physical health, I would appreciate it if the media would grant us a leeway of three months so that he and I may recover from this ordeal. It is a lot for anyone to handle without the glare of the media. IF this leeway is granted, I promise that I will answer the questions that I'm sure many of you have. Thank you."

Questions had been screamed at him then, but everyone that wasn't Jared or the doctors had given Jensen plenty of leeway. Later that night, Jensen had collapsed, having had completely exhausted himself. The next day, the corridors were silent, the street outside was clear and traffic flowed normally. On the news, recordings of Jensen's statement ran tirelessly on every TV station. Jensen had blushed furiously at his image on the screen while Jared had beamed proudly at him. "I'm proud of you, Jen," Jared had said, "You've said the one thing that every famous person never says."

Jensen had just smiled at Jared and held his hand while looking back at the screen.

Now, three months later, Jensen had been staying at Jared's apartment for the past month. However, everything was still so new. He had been afraid to touch anything or to say the wrong thing to Jared's house-help, Maria, when he first arrived. Maria was a kind woman, motherly and immediately treated Jensen as one of the family. Jensen loved her because he felt like she was the closest thing to a real mother that he ever had. The living room alone was twice as large as Jensen's apartment had been and he felt extremely vulnerable in the open space, but he grew accustomed to it.

Slowly but surely, Jensen had become relatively comfortable in the apartment. There were many things he missed about his old life, but too many things he found new and interesting. Jensen had always known that there were many things he didn't know either how to operate or how to manipulate, but he was learning.

At first, he felt humiliated when he had to ask Maria how to properly toast a piece of bread. She had looked at him surprised, but did not say anything, just showing him how to plug in the device and work the buttons. After that, much to Jensen's embarrassment and delight, she told him that she would teach him how to do more things. He spend the day learning about the blender, the stove, the oven and the kettle. Then she brought him into the laundry room and taught him how to start the machine, turn the dryer on and how to measure the soap out.

It may have seemed like the most mundane tasks, but Maria saw the acute concentration in Jensen's face as she explained everything. She smiled and encouraged him on when he got something wrong and always told him that he was doing good. Jensen's self-consciousness eroded eventually and by the end of the day, when Jared got back from seeing his PR team, Jensen spent the night with him, telling him all the things he was taught.

Jared listened to him and although he smiled through the whole thing, he stabbed himself internally. He wondered how Jensen didn't know how to do all these things; then it hit him. _he never asked Jensen about his life._

All this time, they had been getting over what happened together, they had been planning interviews and talking to various people about things such as protection and returning their lives to stability, but Jared realized that never once had he asked about Jensen's past. He always assumed that Jensen would tell him one day, but the revelation came as Jensen was talking so animatedly about his day: he would have to ask him about it.

"Hey, Jen," Jared said, slowly stroking Jensen's arm later that night when they were curled up carefully in bed. "Hmm?" came the reply. "You've never talked about your family… is there a reason why?" Jared asked tentatively.

He felt Jensen's relaxed body stiffen a little and he sighed. "Jen, there are still so many things I don't know, I wish… I wish you would let me in," Jared said and turned on his back, looking up to the ceiling. A minute later, he felt Jensen turn and rest his head on Jared's chest.

"I will tell you, Jay. But not now, okay?" Jensen said and reached his still stitched hand up to Jared face and made him look down at Jensen's face. "I promise I will."

Jared smiled and carefully took Jensen's hand in his. "Okay, Jen. You take your time."

He would tell Jared when he was ready. No doubts.


	11. Chapter 10: Confessions Of A Broken Soul

**Chapter 10: Confessions Of A Broken Soul**

"_The first step is always the hardest,_

_The leap of faith into the darkness._

_But I have you with me through my conquest,_

_My conquest of love and goodness."_

It had been nine months since they had gotten together, eight since Jensen had been kidnapped. Never rushing anything, Jared had given Jensen plenty of time and Jensen always reciprocated by never leaving Jared. They had dealt with the paparazzi and interviews with grace and politeness. Jared was pleasantly surprised to find Jensen a good interviewee, answering whatever questions were posed to him with a professional air that few people had.

At first, Jared had been worried about Jensen going onto so many interviews, having to travel to different parts of Canada or the United States, but Jensen got used to it fast. Having lived on the road for so long, Jensen quickly got back into the rhythm of waking up early and going to sleep late at night.

Three months ago, Jared had a new movie that he had to shoot and they had agreed with the production team that Jensen would follow him to the set. Jensen had signed multiple forms and letters ensuring that he would not leak any production secrets.

Being on set was amazing. At first, Jensen was a little overwhelmed by the amount of people there, the other actors and actresses, the cameras and lighting; everything was so big and new. During the first few days of shooting, Jensen had stayed in the trailer, not wanting to make anything awkward and at meal times, he had it separately from Jared as Jared would either be working through lunch, or having an interview.

Jensen would wander the set, looking at various shooting sites and the equipment. He would observe the people working there, smile warmly at them if they caught him looking and move on. One day as he was looking at one of the cameras, one of the actors came up to him and introduced himself.

"Hi," he said, "I'm…" "Zachary Shurley…" Jensen said, eyes widening. Zachary laughed and shook Jensen's hand. "It's nice to finally meet you, Jensen," he said, "Jared basically can't stop talking about you." Jensen gulped a little, "H-he talks about me?" he asked rather shell-shocked. Zachary put up his hands, "All good things, I promise," he said and laughed.

_Zachary Shurley is talking to me, Zachary Shurley is talking to me, Zachary Shurley is talking to me, Zachary Shurley is talking to me, Zachary Shurley is talking to me, Zachary Shurley is talking to me,_ that was all Jensen could think of.

He stuttered out a little gibberish that was supposed to have meant, "I hope so," but Zachary smiled and nudged his head in the direction of the main set, "Wanna go grab some snacks?" he asked and Jensen nodded, knowing his voice would betray him.

As they walked to the set, Zachary told him to call him Zach and Jensen told him, albeit with a flush creeping up his neck, to call him Jen. As they reached the set, a pretty blonde girl caught up with them. "Zach!" she exclaimed and hugged him, "I was wondering wh-… You're Jensen!" she almost screamed as she noticed Jensen trying to become part of the scenery.

"A-Amanda Thorn knows my name," Jensen said out loud, realized and turned beet red. Looking down, getting ready to apologize, he head a giggle and felt himself almost get crushed by her hug. "Of COURSE I know who you are, Jensen! You and Jared have the cutest relationship I've seen in a LONG time! I think you're the sweetest couple in the whoooole of Hollywood!" she said happily and Jensen heard a sigh from behind her. "Mandy, you're making Jensen uncomfortable," Zach said quietly and she waved a hand at him, "Oh, Zach, you're such a spoil-sport! I'm just speaking my mind!"

Amanda Thorn and Zachary Shurley wee two of the most well-known people in Hollywood. Zachary for his brilliant portrayal of Ceaser in 'I Ruled,' and Amanda as a schizophrenic serial killer in 'And Then There Was Silence'; and they were both standing in front of Jensen, talking about him and treating him as a friend. Jensen had known they were there, but had been too scared to approach them. now that they were in front of him, he was pretty sure he was about two seconds from doing something embarrassing.

Just then there was a voice behind him. "Jen! I was looking for you!" Jensen registered it as Jared's voice and as he turned around, he knocked over one of the stand lights that was next to him and that set off a chain reaction with ended with the table of snacks being hit and all the pastries flying off the table… right into the four of them.

Jensen got hit in the face with cream puffs and as Amanda screamed, a Danish delight flew into her mouth, clogging it. Zachary's chest and arms got hit with custard tarts and Jared got his back hit with sausage rolls and breadsticks. They all stood there for a second, completely stunned. Then Amanda took out the pastry from her mouth and chewed a little, "Well I WAS looking forward to a good pastry," she said and three of them burst out laughing. Jensen just stood there, cream dripping off his chin and Jared, after chuckling a bit, swabbed Jensen's cheek with his finger and licked the cream, "Jensen, you know, I couldn't love you more right now," he said and hugged him.

Jensen was blushing furiously, knowing that he had made a complete fool of himself and had probably cost the production team thousands of dollars worth of damage, but as he found out later that night as they sat around, eating dinner, everyone found it hilarious and after a while, he joined in the laughter.

Later that night, Jared had kissed him and told him that he could do no wrong. Ever. Jensen had smiled up at him and thanked him. Secretly, Jensen was still a little embarrassed, but from the support that Zach, Mandy and Jay were showing him, he soon forgot it.

After that, Jensen spent the days on the sets, helping Jared remember lines and always encouraging him on when Jared slipped up. He even spent a few hours working with Mandy and Zach, sitting with coffee and learning lines. He enjoyed helping them in any way he could. It helped him take his mind off the trauma of the kidnapping and slowly but surely, the old Jensen returned; the one full of life and happiness. He still suffered through nightmares at night, and when he awoke, sometimes thrashing or shouting out in his sleep, Jared would soothe him back to sleep, holding him close and whispering sweet nothings.

The movie finally wrapped a month ago and now, Jared and Jensen finally got back to their apartment in the city. Maria greeted them with hugs and a hot meal and they retreated to the bedroom early, wanting to catch up on some rest and finally have some alone time.

Jared never talked or tried taking it further with Jensen in the sex department, having told himself early on that he would only do it when Jensen was up to it. They got into bed and angled themselves up in sheets and themselves; searching for each other's warmth.

Jensen had thought about this moment for a long time, thinking about how he would phrase the words properly, but finally decided to just say it. He had been toying with the idea of telling Jared only half the truth, or none of the truth at all, but it wasn't fair on Jared. He had never lied or kept anything from Jensen, so why should Jensen?

"Hey, Jay," Jensen said quietly as he stroked Jared's arm a little. "Hmm?" Jared answered.

"I… think I'm ready to talk about it," Jensen said and Jared stopped. There was silence for a moment and Jensen suddenly feared Jared's response, but Jared turned and switched on one of the bedside lamps and sat up a little in bed. "You sure, Jen?" he asked, "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Jensen shook his head and exhaled, "You deserve to know, Jay," he said and turned on his back. "I don't know where to begin," he said and closed his eyes, brows knitting together. Jared put a hand on Jensen's cheek and made Jensen turn to look at him. "The beginning," he said and Jensen took Jared's hand in his. "Okay…" he said and sighed.

"I was thrown out of my house when I was 14," Jensen said quietly, not looking at Jared, but straight ahead, but at the ceiling. "My family… they were… are really religious, and they told me horrid things when they found out I'm… well that I like guys." He chuckled bitterly, "Yeah, my dad, oh, he was a scream; he told me that I was good for nothing, that I was less than dirt, that I was good for nothing… and that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg – he said things that no son or person for that matter should ever have to hear from anyone."

Jared felt rage swell in him, but Jensen started to stroke Jared's palm softly with his thumb. That cooled Jared down a little. _For Jensen,_ Jared thought to himself.

"Well, yeah, they threw me out without any clothes or money, except whatever I had on me and whatever was in my wallet. They told me I was better off dead and slammed the door in my face." Jensen's brows knitted a little and he breathed in deeply for a moment before continuing. "Yeah, so I spent a few months doing this and that… begging mostly actually, got a bit of food whenever I could. I got beaten up a lot too… I don't exactly know why, I think people just saw me as an easy target I guess, but I learned how to get in a few good swings myself," he said and smiled sheepishly at Jared before carrying on. "Then when I was, uh… 16, these guys found me in an alleyway… thought it would be fun to… rape me. the first time was unbearably painful, I thought I was going to pass out, but they kept me just on the verge of that. They… gagged me so that I couldn't call out for help, and by the fourth time, I was pretty much numb… Once they had their… 'fun' with me, they left me for dead next to a dumpster, and I really thought it was the end for me, but this lady, Stella Marie found me and she told me she could help me, get me medical treatment and a place to stay, even a job if I came with her. I was young and stupid, so I followed her."

Jensen turned a little and put his hand on Jared thigh. "Jay," he said softly, "You… might not like what you hear next," he said softly, but Jared shook his head and kissed his forehead. "I trust you, and I love you, Jen, there's nothing you can say that will make me leave you."

Jensen's eyes moistened a little, but he cleared his throat and steeled himself.

"Okay, well, it turned out that Stella Marie owned a brothel… she uh, specialized in many things." Jared's lips became a thin line. "What kinds of things?" he asked, but Jensen just answered him simply, "Many thing's. So yeah, I was made a… an adult entertainer at the age of 16. I'll uh… skip the grisly details, but when I was 24, there was a fire and the place burned to the ground. I got out because the fire escape was near my room, but as far as I know, no one else did."

Jensen looked down as he remembered his friends from the brothel and sent up a silent prayer for them.

"I… didn't know what had changed in the world, only from the movies I had watched or the books that I read, and after a while of mindlessly wandering around, I decided," he cleared his throat, "That I would try to see you."

Jared looked at him with a confused expression and Jensen just shrugged. "I never lost touch with where or what you were doing Jay… I was… still am a fan of you, and always will be." A smile flit across Jared's face and he kissed Jensen on the lips, a chaste kiss. "I'm your fan, Jen," Jared said softly and motioned for him to continue. Jensen blushed a little and smiled at Jared and went on. "Well uh, I made my way to San Antonio to try to see you at the opening of 'At Loves Edge', but there was no luck… so I… well, I thought to myself, "since you've already travelled this far, Jensen, why not continue?" so I did, and I eventually ended up here, in Richmond. I… well I thought it would be nice to settle down here, so I managed to get a cheaper than cheap apartment and I got a job working at the Moonstar… and… yeah, the rest is history?"

Jared didn't move for a long time, a look of deep thought on his face. his brows were furrowed and he barely moved. Jensen wondered what was going through Jared's head and in his own, a thousand and five different thoughts raced.

After a few minutes, Jensen slowly reached out and started to say something when Jared cut across him. "Jensen," Jared said and looked at Jensen seriously.

Jensen stopped, hand halfway risen and fear gripped him. He knew that expression, the look of anger, mixed with betrayal… but there was something else in there, but he couldn't pinpoint it.

"Y-yes?" he said slowly and Jared took Jensen's hand and kissed it.

"There's a lot in your past that has happened to you… but that doesn't mean that you're worthless. You mean more to me than life itself, and I promise, right here and now to do everything in my power to make you never have to go back to that place again. You will never feel unwanted, unloved or unappreciated again, I promise you. I'll love you till the world ends and the universe fades away."

Jensen couldn't hold it in anymore and buried his head in Jared's lap, tears streaming down his face. "Jay," he sighed and hugged the man's waist. "Jay, I… I love you too… now and always."

Jared had meant every word he had said. Now that he knew everything, he would do everything he could to make sure that Jensen lived a happy life, that he got everything the he never had and everything he deserved and more.

"Jen…" Jared said later as they finally settled in again. "Yes, Jay?" came a reply in the dark.

"I want you to meet my family."

"…What…?"

"I want you to meet my family."

"…Why?"

"Because… you're part of my life, and so are they. …Please?"

"…"

"You don't if you don't want to, Jen… I don't want to rush anything."

"…I'm just afraid that they won't like me… that they won't accept me."

"You wanna know why they will?"

"Yes…"

"Because I love you, Jen."


	12. Chapter 11: Family Ties

**Chapter 11: Family Ties**

"_The ties of family make their stand,_

_All shall welcome thee with an open arm._

_Yet heed the warning of the open hand,_

_For it alone can bring thou harm."_

"Jen, c'mon, we're gonna be late," Jared said, standing at the door of the apartment, calling out into the bedroom.

Silence…

"Jennnn! Oh for the love of-…"

Jared dropped the bag he was carrying and went into the bedroom. He found Jensen sitting at the edge of the bed, staring straight ahead, his hand on his suitcase handle. Jared went over to Jensen and knelt down in front of him. "What's wrong Jen?" Jared asked quietly, putting a hand on Jensen's knee.

Jensen opened his mouth and closed it again. He thought for a moment then looked down at Jared. "They're gonna hate me…" he said with a defeated tone. Jared exhaled and took Jensen's hands into his. "Jen, I told you already… they're gonna love you. Just be you: the man I fell for, the one I still am so amazed to be with… believe me, Jen."

Jensen swallowed and looked into Jared's eyes. There was no lie there, no hidden doubts or anything being locked up in a box, so Jensen slowly got up and grasped the handles on his suitcase. "We better get moving, huh?" he said as Jared stood up. Jared smirked down at him and kissed him briefly. "We would be on our way already if someone hadn't insisted on playing the damsel-in-distress," Jared said and laughed as Jensen swatted at him a little.

Half an hour later they were boarding a plane and as Jared got settled in, he noticed Jensen looking with interest at the many fixtures and buttons on the seat and overhead. Jared realized that this must be the first time Jensen would be flying and took Jensen's hand in his. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" he said and Jensen looked at him and smiled, "First time for everything, right?" Jared chuckled and leaned back as Jensen returned to looking at the gadgets.

Jensen listened intently as the flight attendant explained what to do in case of an emergency, how to use the seatbelts properly and what to do when the oxygen masks were deployed. Jared saw out of the corner of his eye how the cogs in Jensen's head were processing the information, how everything was being understood and he smirked to himself.

As the plane took off, Jensen's hold on Jared's hand turned into a vice-grip and Jared had taken Jensen's neck into his hand and had whispered that he was safe. Once they were in the air, Jensen spent the first hour looking out at the clouds and the scenery. He felt like a child receiving an unexpected present. He never let go of Jared's hand but when it got too dark to see outside, he returned his attention to Jared. When dinner came around, Jared ordered a steak for himself and a salad for Jensen. Although they had been going to mouth-watering places, eating all sorts of food and trying new things, Jensen could never eat more than a medium-sized anything. Jared on the other hand was a ravenous person, tucking away a steak and a plate of pasta easily.

Afterwards, Jared opened a book he was currently reading and got lost in it. Jensen on the other hand told Jared he was going to go to the toilet and made his way to the back of the plane. As he was walking to the back, there was a sudden air pocket and the plane jerked. Jensen tripped and fell in the aisle and he cut his finger in the process. It was a way back from where Jared was sitting so Jared didn't hear or see what happened. As Jensen got up, a man helped him stand and gave him a handkerchief. "Here," the man said in a gruff voice, "keep it."

Jensen smiled and thanked him but did a double take as he thought he recognized the man, but shook his head and smiled again at the man. He went into the toilet and clicked the door shut. He relieved himself and as he washed his hands, he heard a knock on the door. Not wanting to keep anyone waiting, he started to open the door but someone barged in and slammed the door shut.

There was a hand on his mouth and a small knife at his throat. The man from earlier was standing close to him. in the light, Jensen saw uneven teeth, a crude smile and an evil glint. He had seen that before… where though…? But Jensen was too concerned about his life just then to worry about anything else.

"I haven't seen you in YEARS, Jensen," the man said and his hand tightened around Jensen's mouth. "I almost thought you didn't want to see me anymore!"

Confusion flitted across Jensen's face and the man smirked. "Well, I'm sure you wouldn't remember me, Jensen, after all, you were always so… well what's the word for it… submissive for me."

Recognition struck Jensen and he turned his face from the man. "Alex Omar…" Jensen said and the man laughed, "Yes, Jensen, or as you knew me as, 'sir'."

Memories of being tied up, hoisted up from the bed, shocked with small jolts of electricity, gagged and forced to beg. The light scars on Jensen's back were gifts from this man and he was pretty sure they would never fade away.

"Oh, Jensen, and I thought we knew each other better than that! Please, call me Mr. Whips… like always. I'm here to settle a score with you, Jensen," Mr. Whips said and pressed the knife a little closer to Jensen's throat. "I know where you're going, Jensen, I know where you're going to be. I know where you've been and I know whatever Jared has done for you."

"If you know what he's done for me," Jensen said, fighting against his submissive nature but his eyes were tearing up and his heart was hammering against his chest, "You know he won't stop coming after you if something happens to me."

Mr. Whips laughed and stood back a little. "Oh ho ho! Look who's grown a pair of balls!" he said and grabbed Jensen's crotch, causing Jensen to freeze and his hands to clench against the sink, "But then again you've always had a nice pair of them."

Jensen slapped his hand away and looked at him defiantly. "I'm not your whore anymore, Whips… you have no power over me."

"We'll see, Jensen… we'll see," Mr. Whips said and opened the bathroom door, "I'll… SEE you around, Jensen," he cooed to Jensen and walked away. Jensen stood there for a few minutes, staring at the door. How had Mr. Whips of all people found him? The media had been quiet for the past few months, the interviews gave nothing away about Jensen's whereabouts and there was no way anyone could find him, yet here was Mr. Whips, a man that Jensen morally feared, telling him that he was being watched.

Jensen took a few minutes more, washing his face again and composing himself before going back to Jared. He found Jared sleeping soundly, book still open on his lap and Jensen managed to smile and shake his head. As he sat down next to Jared, he took the book from Jared's hand and put it away, then he repositioned Jared's body so that his head rested on Jensen's shoulder and Jensen himself leaned his head back against the seat and sighed; this was going to be a long flight.

The executive taxi pulled up to an absolutely adorable looking house. It was an ordinary family house, stone and wood and it looked homey. A white picket fence separated the lawn from the road and Jensen saw that someone there had a very green thumb. Huge flowers bloomed in the garden; begonias, roses, and an assortment of other garden plants grew happily there. There was even a swing with morning glory creeping around it.

Jensen smiled widely at te house and wondered how it must have been to grow up in a home like this, have neighborhood parties and grow up with the kids from the surrounding houses. After Jensen helped Jared and the cab driver with the bags, Jensen's legs suddenly felt dangerously weak. "J-jay…" Jensen said, looking up at Jared, but before he could continue, Jared's lips met his and his train of thought melted.

"For courage," Jared said when he let up and Jensen wasn't so sure that it was only for him. Jared seemed to be a little tight around the edges, something was bothering him. Jensen knew that Jared and his father weren't on good terms, but Jensen was sure it couldn't be that bad.

He was quite wrong.

When Jared pressed the bell, he looked at Jensen and smiled, "Well, ready, Jen?" he said but as soon as Jensen took in a breath to reply, the door flew open and Jensen was almost knocked over by the wave of noise and bodies.

"WELCOME HOME!" a boom came and Jared was lost in a swarm of people. Kisses, hugs and handshakes were exchanged and Jensen did his best to look like the pot of plants that was next to the door. People were talking to Jared, laughing loudly and asking questions. Just then Jared quietened everyone down with a hand and beckoned Jensen to his side.

"Everyone… this is Jensen."

Jensen almost… ALMOST screamed as people shouted his name and he was yanked from Jared side by what felt like a tornado.

"JENSEN!" they all shouted and people rapidly started introducing themselves, shaking his hand, giving him a hug or some even kissing both his cheeks. Jensen was so shocked that he went into def-con three mode which made him perfectly sociable. He smiled his best smile, answered the questions with perfect articulation and seemed to be at ease with everything. Only Jared saw through the mask and after a few minutes, he herded Jensen away from the giant group that was there, much to their displeasure, but they let him go.

Jared put a hand around Jensen and kissed his temple. "You did great, Jen," Jared whispered and Jensen put a hand around Jared's waist. "I think… I'm ready to go home now," he said and Jared laughed. "We'll be alone soon, Jen… in about seven or eight hours." Jensen chuckled darkly, "Lovely," he said.

Jared led Jensen to the kitchen and Jensen let go of him almost instantly as he saw three people sitting around the dining table. Jared went around to the older woman sitting there and hugged her. "Hi, mum," he said and kissed her cheek. "Jared," she said and kissed him back before looking at him properly, "You're losing too much weight, honey, you're practically a twig!"

Jared laughed and went and hugged the other two people there; a boy and a girl.

"Heya, Jeff," Jared said as he hugged the boy and got a nougie from him. "Well, if it isn't little jaybird come home from big time Hollywood," the boy said and Jared laughed as he tried to get out of the hold.

The girl kissed him on the cheek and laughed, "Its JARED, Jeff, and let go of him!"

Jeff let go off Jared and Jared stood up and dusted himself off before turning to Jensen and inclining his head to Jensen. "Mum, Jeff, Megan, this is Jensen. He's uh… the guy I've been talking about."

"Well of course he is," Jared's mother said and stood up. She went over to Jensen and set her hands on his shoulders. "It's lovely to finally meet you, Jensen," she said and looked at him for a few seconds. "My," she said, "Jensen, you are good looking, Jared wasn't joking."

"Mum!" Jared said and Jensen blushed a little and looked down. "Thank you, Mrs. Padalecki," he said but she waved her hand at him, "Please, its Sherri to you, now come on, I'll make you a cup of tea."

She led Jensen to the table and Jared sat down with him and smiled. Megan put out her hand and Jensen shook it. "I'm Megan," she said and leaned a little closer, "I'm the fun one."

Jeff laughed and pointed a finger at her, "YOU'RE the fun one? Hah! I could out-fun you any day," he said and turned to Jensen, "I'm Jeff, nice to meet you. It's good to see someone is finally showing Jaybird over here how to be human."

Jared stuck out his tongue at Jeff and he returned the sentiment. "Now, now, boys," Sherri said as she set two mugs of tea down, "don't smother Jensen."

Jensen accepted the mug gratefully and sipped the hot liquid. Jared and Jeff continued to banter good-naturedly with their mother shooting them glares once in a while.

"So, Jensen," she said as he offered him a cookie, "Tell us how you met Jared here!" Megan sat up and looked at him in interest, "Oooh yeah, tell us, Jensen!"

Jensen put his hands around the mug and smiled that them. "Well, in all truth, the first time I saw him… I knocked over an entire bookshelf at Devan's." Sherri's smiled brightened. "Devan's! I knew she had something to do with this. She always said there was something about her shop that would bring people together."

"Yeah, it was probably the musty smell," Megan laughed out and Sherri shook her head at her daughter. "Honestly," she said but turned her attention back at Jensen. "Well Jensen, as long as you're here, just know that you're one of the family now. And family sticks together no matter what."

Jensen's eyes welled up with tears and he looked away. "Th-thank you, Mrs. …Sherri," he said and he felt Jared's arms come around his shoulders and he felt Jared's lips touch his cheek.

Just then the back door opened and Jensen jumped as Jared's hands whipped away from Jensen's shoulders and he turned to the source of the noise.

A man in his late forties stood there with mixed look of wariness and judgment. "So you're the great Jensen Shackles," the man said and Sherri and Jared both shot him looks of anger.

"Jared, nice to see you in one piece," the man said and raised his eyebrow. "Nice to see you too… sir," Jared said through gritted teeth. Jensen didn't want to make the situation bad, so he stood up and went around to the man.

"You must be Mr. Padalecki," Jensen said and put out a hand, "It's nice to meet you."

Mr. Padalecki turned and pointed outside. "I want to have a talk with you, Jensen Shackles," he said and turned and walked out.

Jensen turned and gave Jared a smile, trying to tell him that everything will be okay, but Jared knew that something bad was about to happen.


	13. Chapter 12: No Doubt

**Chapter 12: No Doubt**

"_The resistance of the world shall not hold us,_

_The jeers and sneers of the unbelieving shall not harm us._

_We rise together from opposite ends of the world,_

_Yet we meet as one, together forever."_

Jensen had never seen such a huge backyard before… well Jensen had never really seen any backyard before, but he was pretty sure that not many houses boasted such well trimmed hedges, a treehouse complete with a tyre swing and colored bottles hanging from the tree. He didn't think many houses had three kennels with a large space for three rather large dogs to run around in or the giant garden of roses at the side of the yard.

But as beautiful as the whole place looked, Jensen's attention was fully on the form standing by the stairs, looking out at the yard. In the late evening light, Jared's father looked a little menacing, but Jensen also saw where Jared got a good share of his looks from. Mr. Padalecki was still holding his drink; a whiskey water, and as Jensen came and stood by his side, he lifted it and sipped. There was a bottle on the ledge, just opened and the strong smell of whiskey wafted into Jensen's nose.

Jensen dared not look up at the man, in case he offended him, so made himself find his shoes interesting. They stood there for a while in silence – Jensen looking down and Mr. Padalecki staring out at the garden. "So," Mr. Padalecki said after a while, "You're Jensen Shackles." As he said it, he turned and looked at Jensen with a slight sneer on his face.

"Um… Sir," Jensen started quietly, "I-It's Ackles, actually." Jared's father laughed, "Oh, I know what your name is, every goddamn paper had it plastered on their front page with my son's name for months. I don't forget the person that shamed my family easily, Jensen," he said and Jensen felt like he had been slapped on the face. He took a step back, shrinking into himself a little and his back nudges the pillar behind him. "I… I'm sorry," Jensen began, but the older man waved a hand at Jensen, causing Jensen to flinch, he though Mr. Padalecki was going to hit him.

"Please, Jensen, don't give me that defeated, 'I-was-raped' act, I've seen it on TV more than enough, having to listen to Sherri and Megan night after night, telling each other that they are so sorry for you, that you're so brave, well a tiara to you then," Mr. Padalecki said loud enough to make it shout, but soft enough that no one else would hear it. He went up to Jensen and pointed a finger at him. "Jensen, you listen to me VERY carefully. YOU are the cause for this whole mess. YOU made Jared the way he is. YOU have shamed this family and you don't deserve anything."

Ironically, Jensen had heard something similar before from his own father, telling him that he was worthless, useless, a piece of dirt. Jensen had heard it all before, but this somehow hurt just the same. He was determined not to cry or to show any sign of weakness, so he stood there silently, listening to what Mr. Padalecki had to say. When the man was finished, he leaned back, chest rising and falling heavily, face flushed.

Jensen shut his eyes for a moment and clenched his hands together slowly. He opened his eyes and looked up at Jared's father with a small smile. "I'm sorry for this whole mess, Mr. Padalecki. When I have the money, I'll pay Jay back whatever I owe him," as Jensen said this, he felt a stab of sadness for what he was going to say next, "A-As for this situation, if you want it, I'll leave; tonight even if you want. I don't want to trouble anyone."

Mr. Padalecki scoffed at that, "Trouble? Boy, you've already done a lifetime's worth of trouble. And yes, I do want you gone from my home, but I know Jared better than you do, and I know he'll go berserk trying to get your godforsaken mug back into his sinning arms."

Jensen's anger flared up at the last thing Mr. Padalecki said and before he turned to go into the house, he said softly, "Your son may have many flaws, Sir, but if anything, he's going to Heaven for what he's done for me."

He walked to the door and went through to the kitchen. The whole family was sitting there, talking in low voices and when Jared felt Jensen coming, he looked up, followed by Jeff, Meg and Sherri looking at him. Jensen smiled at them and blew out a breath, "It's a bit chilly outside, isn't it." Jared stood and went to him and hugged him. "I'm sorry, Jen," he said and Jensen put his hands on Jared chest, a thin line of tears forming on his eyes, "It's alright," he said.

"My husband doesn't mean half of what he says, Jensen," Sherri said, squeezing Jensen's hand as he sat down with the rest of them, "He's just a hard-headed traditionalist." Jensen smiled gratefully and Megan piped up, "Yeah, Jen, the other people Jay dated were all idiots anyway, especially the last one, god the way that woman would flip her hair at everything." "But she was hot," Jeff said quietly the same time Sherri said, "She wasn't a real looker, was she…"

They all burst into laughter and Jensen even felt a little better. Even he had thought that Jared could have done better on his last relationship. Under the table, Jared took Jensen's hand and entwined his fingers with Jensen's. Jensen smiled at Jared and leaned a little towards Jared, shoulders brushing together. They talked for a few minutes and decided that they better go out to the main room and entertain the rest of the family.

As they got up to leave, Sherri whispered something to Jared and he held Jensen back for a minute. When they were alone, Jensen began to ask Jared what Sherri had said but his question was silenced by Jared's lips on his. It was a chaste kiss, but Jensen broke under it. Tears slowly sprang into his eyes and soon they were making their way down his cheeks. They let go after a few seconds and Jensen hugged Jared and cried it out. "Shh," Jared said softly while slowly rubbing Jensen's back, "I'm here, Jen, I'm here."

"In my own kitchen," a voice came from behind Jensen and he quickly let go and turned around. There was Mr. Padalecki, having had drunk most of the bottle of whiskey. There was a very drunk look about him and his face was growing progressively angrier. "In my own fucking kitchen, you little slut," he said and set the bottle on the counter. It slipped and fell off the counter, shattering into a thousand pieces.

"Dad!" Jared shouted and stepped in front of Jensen, shielding him from his drunken father, "Dad, c'mon, you're drunk." "You shut the fuck up you fucking queer," Mr. Padalecki shouted and swung a fist at Jared. It connected with Jared's face and he fell, cutting his hand on a piece of glass and he knocked his head on the cabinet below the counter. Jensen shouted Jared's name and knelt over him, gently helping Jared up into a sitting position. "Mr. Padalecki, please stop this," Jensen pleaded with Jared's father but he spit in Jensen's direction. "You have no right to speak to me you little gold digger. Who knows where your ass has been to."

Jared jumped up, eyes flaming and aimed a punch at his father's face, but Jensen stopped Jared by standing in front of the two of them. Sherri, Megan and Jeff came running into the kitchen but stopped when they saw what was happening.

"Harold!" Sherri exclaimed and her tone changed, becoming serious, "Harold, you stop this right now. You know you don't mean what you're saying." But he just scoffed, "Don't mean what I'm saying, eh? I mean every single thing I'm saying, Sherri. I don't want this little whore in my house. I don't want my son to consort with his kind and I want him gone TONIGHT."

Jared lunged for him, but Jensen used what weight he had to stop him. Seeing Jensen failing, Jeff and Megan went round and held Jared back, telling him to calm down. "I'll fucking kill you! Don't you dare talk about Jen like that," Jared shouted, but Jensen covered Jared's mouth with his hand, much to Jared's annoyance and Jensen made him look down at him. "Jared Tristan Padalecki, that's your father you're talking to and although he's saying hurtful things, it doesn't mean you talk like that to him," Jensen said and Jared's anger withered.

Jensen exhaled and turned to Mr. Padalecki. "Sir, I'm sorry for intruding on your party. I'll leave now, alright?" He turned to go, but Sherri held onto his arm and looked at her husband with a murderous glare. "No," she said and glanced at Jensen briefly before turning back to Mr. Padalecki, "Harold, I think it's you that had better leave."

Jensen's eyes grew wide and he was going to say something when Sherri shushed him with a look, "No, Jensen, you're MY guest and Jeff's and Megan's guest and WE live here too, so if you leave, we leave too. Kids, what d'you think?" She turned to them and they nodded.

"Dad, man, this is Jaybird's life," Jeff said, slowly loosening his grip on Jared, "I support him cause he's my brother and I love him." Megan nodded, "So do I, Daddy. Try to see that Jay's happy… for once he hasn't come home with some blonde floozy with boob implants."

"Yes, he's just come home with some brunette man toy he picked up off the road," Mr. Padalecki said and Sherri went up to him and slapped him. "Harold, you watch your tongue in this house," she said and he looked at her with a surprised look.

"Sh-Sherri," he said and she pointed to the living room. "Out," she said, "You're not going to spend these holidays with us. I told you to try to get to know Jensen, to try to accept that your son is gay, but you're obviously in no state of mind to do that, now are you? So please, Harold, leave now before your embarrass yourself more."

All eyes were on them and Jensen shrank back as Harold righted himself and walked past Jensen. They heard a slam on the door and Sherri turned to Jeff and Meg.

"Jeffery, I would like you to clean the floor please, and Megan darling, see to Jared's hand would you," she said before turning to Jensen. "Jensen, come with me please."

Jensen looked at the three of them, but only Jeff and Meg looked back at him with sad smiles. Jared was looking away, hair covering his face. Jensen thought he saw Jared's shoulder's quiver a little and Meg squeezed Jared's shoulder a little.

Jensen ascended the stairs leading upstairs silently with Sherri leading. The upstairs was a mirage of muted colors and warm lights. Sherri led him through a pair of double doors and Jensen didn't know whether to follow her through the doors. Sherri disappeared from view and Jensen just stood there, unsure whether to go in or not. A voice came from inside, "Wh-… Jensen?" Sherri's head poked out of the side of the door with a confused look. "Jensen, what are you doing out there?" she asked and Jensen looked down, "I… didn't wanna come in without permission," he said and Sherri shook her head and came to him. she took his hands and smiled. "Jensen, you listen to me," she said tenderly, "I know you're hurting from what Harold said, but you listen to me now, honey. You're always welcome here, always. You've changed Jared for the better and now, he's finally free to be himself. Watching my son put himself through going out with girls all this time broke my heart, but it was his secret to tell."

Jensen's expression changed to one of confusion, "You… knew?" he asked and Sherri laughed as she led him into the room. "Darling, I'm his mother. Of course I knew," she said and sat Jensen down at the side of the bed. "But why didn't you say anything?" he asked as Sherri come out of her walk in closet with a small box. "Because, Jensen, it was his secret to tell. All I could do was try to make him feel as comfortable as I could."

She sat next to him and opened the box. Inside was the most beautiful rings and necklaces Jensen had seen. Sapphires, rubies, diamonds and pearls; all of them shone under the room light. Sherri rummaged through a little and took out a soft velvet case and opened it. Inside was a medium sized silver band. There was a diamond in it, a subtle one that most people would miss if they weren't looking properly. It was beautiful. She handed it to Jensen and smiled at him. "I bought that for you after you got out of the hospital," she said and Jensen looked at her with his surprise. "Why?" he asked.

"I knew when Jared called that night to tell me that he really loved you that you would be his forever. After you told him about what had happened to you in the past, he told me, I hope you don't mind. Jeff and Megan don't know, just me," she said but Jensen shook his head, he didn't mind her knowing, it actually made him a little more comfortable around her. "I bought that to remind you that in whatever rough times that have past and are to come, that something beautiful can come from it. Diamonds are formed under the application of immense pressure; and Jensen, you're a diamond in the rough."

Jensen's eyes swam and his lip quivered as he opened his mouth. "Th-Thank you, Sherri," he said and just as he was about to take out the ring, Jared came into the room. Jensen and Sherri looked at him and he smiled at them a small smile.

"Dammit, mum, d'you always have to be two steps ahead of me?" he said and Sherri laughed. "Well you know me," she said and stood up, "I always go in for the kill fast." She kissed Jared on the cheek and smiled at Jensen, "I'll give you two some privacy," she said and walked out.

Jensen started to stand up, but Jared pushed him down and knelt down in front of him. Jared took Jensen's hands and kissed the both of them. "Jensen… forgive me," he said. Jensen smiled softly and leaned down and kissed Jared lightly. "Jay, there's nothing to forgive. You didn't put the words into your dad's mouth. Although, I want you to apologize to him," Jensen said and Jared was taken aback. "What for?" he asked and Jensen's frowned a little. "Jay, he's your dad, and you shouldn't have spoken to him like that," he said.

Jared sighed but nodded.

"Jen…" Jared said and looked up at Jensen with a gleam in his eyes. "I know that you've just been through a lot tonight… and I know that this is fast…" Jared took the ring that was sitting beside Jensen and looked at it before looking up at Jensen. "Will you marry me?"

Jensen brain turned to a quiet buzzing. There were thoughts forming, but his body wasn't reacting. He saw how he would react, but his body wasn't listening to him. he just stared at Jared with an expression of shock and fear.

Jared's smile slowly started to fade after a few minutes and he said quietly, "Jen…?"

That jarred Jensen into action. "Jay, I don't want to marry you," he said and he saw Jared deflate. "N-No, I don't mean it like that Jay," he said and Jared cocked his head to the side a little. "Then what d'you mean?" he asked and Jensen sighed.

"Jay, I'm not someone that people marry. I'm not smart or as quick. I don't have a college degree… heck I didn't even go to school. Up till a few months ago, I didn't even know how to toast a piece of bread," he said and his brows knitted together a little, "I don't even know why you saved me," he said quietly, looking down at his hands.

Jared took Jensen's chin in his hand and made him look into his eyes. "Jensen, listen to me, okay? You're not someone that marries? You're someone I marry. You're not smart or quick? You know more about life that most people do and you're quicker than anyone I know with your words and decisions. You don't have a college degree but you've got skills that people envy. You didn't know how to toast a piece of bread and now I'm pretty sure you could outshine my mum's cooking." It was true that Jensen could now cook up a storm when he was given the chance. "Jensen, you're all I want and all I'll ever need in this life. I could lose my job and all my money and still be happy to just be with you. I would give up eternity to be with you, Jen."

Jensen slumped onto the floor in front of Jared. He was looking at Jared like he was seeing Jared for the first time. The awe that had struck him, the love that had swelled in his heart, all of that had doubled and now it had gone to the lengths of the universe.

Jared tried again, putting the ring up and looking at Jensen. "So, please, Jensen… marry me?" he said.

There was a moment in life when you're on the brink of achieving everything and losing it all. It would be a momentous event or an everyday decision that would define you forever. It could pass by like a whisper or come as a question. One question that would change everything forever. All you needed to do was reach out and grasp the opportunity; to give yourself happiness forever. But one thing you couldn't do was to fear it.

"Yes…"


	14. Chapter 13: The Morning After

**Chapter 13: The Morning After**

"_If I fell in love with you__  
><em>_Would you promise to be true__  
><em>_And help me understand__  
><em>_'cause I've been in love before__  
><em>_And I found that love was more__  
><em>_Than just holding hands__"_

_If I Fell - The Beatles _

After Jared had slipped the ring onto Jensen's finger, they had dissolved into feral kisses and heated touches. They managed to make it to Jared's old bedroom and Jensen was vaguely thankful that no one happened to be coming up the stairs when they were making their way there.

Jared's old room held so many memories of before he was a big-time piece of star power and some part of Jensen told him to check out the room if he had the time to.

Jared closed the door with Jensen's body and deepened the kiss that they were sharing. Jensen responded by reaching up and running his fingers through Jared's hair, moaning quietly as Jared's body closed the space between them. Jared's tongue brushed Jensen's lips, asking for entrance which Jensen gave. He opened his mouth and Jared explored Jensen's mouth, teasing his tongue with his.

Jensen tugged at Jared's shirt a little and Jared's brain suddenly came on and he let up, earning a sad moan and pout. "What wrong?" Jensen asked and Jared looked down at the shorter man with a studying gaze. "Are you sure?" he asked and Jensen took a moment to process that question. He smiled up at Jared, heart spilling over with love. "I'm sure, Jay… I want to," he said and Jared leaned down, touching his forehead to Jensen's and said quietly, "I love you, Jen," which Jensen returned.

Jared tilted Jensen's head up a little and resumed kissing him but Jensen suddenly let go of Jared lips. "Jay…" he said, realizing something, "Jay, d-don't… don't judge me by the scars," he said, swallowing slightly but Jared reaffirmed him with a kiss on his forehead. "Jen, I fell for everything you have. You mind, your heart, your smile and your scars. They're a part of you albeit a terrible past, but Jen… I'm here now; and I'll never hurt you," Jared said and Jensen chuckled but placed a hand on Jared's chest, right over his heart. "I know," he said and slowly pushed Jared back until Jared stumbled and fell onto the bed. Jensen slowly went on top of him and straddled his hips. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the Jensen that had been a slave to sex for so many years perked his head up, thinking that he was back there, but Jensen told it to shut up and sit down.

Slowly Jared brought Jensen's head down and he kissed him with such passion that Jensen was sure the bed was going to catch fire. Jared flipped them over suddenly and Jensen grunted a little as his back hit the bed and then Jared was on top of him, kissing his neck and biting a little. Jensen closed his eyes and turned his head to give Jared more room and Jared responded by catching a piece of skin and biting down, leaving his mark there. _His mark,_ Jensen thought and he opened his eyes when he felt the warm body leave him. Jared was hovering over him and he slowly took off his shirt. Jensen's breath caught as he saw the miles of skin and muscle under there. Long had he imagined this happening and now it really was.

Jared went back down, but instead of kissing Jensen's lips, he went close to Jensen's ear and whispered, "I'll make you feel good," which made a shiver of pure ecstasy run down Jensen's back. Jared put a hand on Jensen's waist and went down to just above the waist band of Jensen's jeans. Ever so slowly, Jared slid Jensen's shirt up, kissing each part of him; from Jensen's happy trail to his chest. As he went up Jensen's body, his kisses lingered on the raised bumps and soft lines that littered Jensen's body. Each time Jared's lips went onto one of those spots, Jensen felt a jolt of electricity course through his body. It felt as though each memory of his past was being taken by Jared and thrown right out the window.

Soon Jensen's shirt was on the floor and although Jared had already seen most of Jensen's upper body, Jensen still managed to blush as Jared's hands caressed him and he found Jared's lips again. His hands went around Jared's back and pulled him close. Jensen was suddenly acutely aware that there was a giant bulge in Jared's pants pressing down on him and a moan of want sounded from him, at the same time, he filled out and Jared's smile widened into the kiss. Jensen unconsciously rocked up into Jared's hips, causing a guttural groan come from Jared.

Jensen congratulated himself for being able to do that to Jared but Jared quickly got him back for that one, finding one of Jensen's weak points and exploiting it with a bite and lick. A shout of pleasure erupted from Jensen and his back arched up into Jared and Jared quickly took the opportunity and slid Jensen's jeans and boxers off him at the same time.

Jensen's dick was already weeping and as Jared looked at Jensen, he felt a tug and suddenly, he wasn't wearing anything either. "You really know how to get a guys pants off, huh?" Jared said and laughed as Jensen smirked and said, "Years of practice."

Jared kissed Jensen once, cupping the back of Jensen's neck and Jensen responded by clutching as Jared's shoulder. Jared let up and kissed Jensen's cheek, "Wait, baby," he said and he leaned over and took out the two essentials he needed from his bedside drawer.

Jensen raised his eyebrows and Jared just shrugged at it with a knowing smile and Jensen shook his head. Jared nudged Jensen's legs apart and slicked up three fingers with lubricant. "You sure about this?" Jared asked but quickly apologized at the look at Jensen gave him. Slowly, very slowly, Jared pushed a finger into Jensen and Jensen gasped a little, not out of pain, but out of pleasure. Feeling Jensen respond to to him like that, Jared's dick throbbed with want, but he knew he had to do this first or he would hurt Jensen. He pulled out a little and dove in again, causing Jensen to clutch at the sheets and audibly moan.

Jared bit down on his lower lip and thrust another finger into Jensen. Jensen's body slowly rocked against it and Jared went up to Jensen's face and put his lips over Jensen's. He was surprised when Jensen issed back hard, bruising their lips in the process. Jared's third and finger went in and Jensen's shout that echoed through the room was almost deafening. Jared was actually a little scared that his whole family was already outside his room listening, but he really couldn't care. They were enveloped in a thick layer of love, lust and want that they really couldn't give a damn.

Jared slowly scissored Jensen open and Jensen caught Jared's lip between his teeth and sucked on it hard causing Jared to exhale a soft moan. He didn't know the exact moment of when it happened, but Jensen was unraveling Jared in a way that had never happened before.

It wasn't lust… it was love.

Jensen felt Jared's finger's exiting his body and he pouted and moaned at Jared but Jared smiled and kissed Jensen again. "I'll make you feel good, Jen. I'll make you feel so good," Jared said and meant it. Jensen exhaled a breath that was halfway a mean and a chuckle. "Yuh m-make me f-feel plenty… g-good, J-Jay," he said and Jared opened Jensen's legs wider and slid on a condom then slicked up his dick with copious amounts of lubricant.

He positioned himself right at Jensen's entrance and with his free hand, he entwined his finger's with Jensen's. he stared down at the man he loved with half lidded eyes and Jensen returned the look with a steady gaze. Jensen's hips went up a little when he felt the cold lubricant touch him but as soon as he felt Jared's dick pushing itself into him, his mouth opened a little and he threw his head back against the pillow in an inaudible groan. Jared pushed himself in until he was fully seated and stopped. He waited patiently for Jensen to get used to the intrusion. Jensen waited for Jared to start but then he realized that Jared was waiting for him. Jensen wasn't used to this kind of treatment – the soft kisses and sweet nothings, the scissoring open gently and the waiting to be comfortable. _So this is what making love is like,_ Jensen thought and he slowly rocked his hips back against Jared and he heard Jared gasp a little.

Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen and Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared's thighs as Jared began to pull out and push in again. It started out slow, but soon, as the kisses and touches grew more intense, so did the rhythm of their sexual dance. Jensen started to move along with Jared's hips which drove Jared absolutely crazy and suddenly, Jensen felt a large, warm hand on his own dick. He opened his eyes and found Jared smirking down at him, stroking his length and slicking up his hand with Jensen's precome.

Jensen felt hot breath against his neck and Jared nipped Jensen's earlobe a little before saying in a heavy voice, "Come with me, Jen… come with me."

He stroked Jensen harder and increased his pace and Jensen felt himself coming to his peak fast. Jared was pretty close himself and suddenly he heard Jensen gasp. "J-Jay, I…" was all the warning he got before Jensen's muscles tightened around Jared's dick and Jared saw ribbons of warm white liquid spray onto Jensen's belly and even a little on his chest. As he felt that, his own climax came fast and hard and they rode each other's aftershocks out together.

Jared almost collapsed on top of Jensen and slid out of him carefully. He somehow or other managed to tie up the condom and throw it into the waste bin before he looked as Jensen. He slid down Jensen's body and licked Jensen clean, slowly making his way up to Jensen's lips and he kissed Jensen. Jensen tasted himself in Jared's mouth and couldn't help but smile at that.

Jared lay his head down on Jensen's chest and wrapped an arm around his waist. "I love you, Jensen," he said and Jensen put a hand on Jared's shoulder and with his other hand, he entwined his fingers with his own. "I love you too," he said sleepily.

For the first time in his life, Jensen slept soundly; the demons kept at bay by their love.

Jensen awoke to a giggle from the other side of the door and a soft knock on the door. He opened his eyes a crack and when he realized someone was on the other side of the door, he tried to wake Jared up but he wasn't in time. As Jared grunted awake, the door opened and Sherri and Megan came in holding two trays of food. "Good morning," Sherri said brightly at them and Megan giggled again. "G'morning lovers," she said shyly and Jensen's face heated up at mach speed. Jared didn't help, kissing Jensen on the cheek before hugging Jensen a little tighter. "J-Jay, get up," Jensen said and Jared laughed as he saw Jensen's red face. Sherri laughed appreciatively. "It's alright, Jensen, there are no secrets in this house," she said and Jensen realized what she was implying and he put his hand over his mouth. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Sherri," he gasped out but Sherri waved a hand at him. "Jensen, it's a normal part of a relationship," she said and Megan laughed, "Yeah, plus, Jeff's room is next to yours and he had the time of his life."

Jensen buried groaned and buried his head in the pillows while Jared burst out laughing. as Jensen turned his body, his back was exposed and Megan gasped and at the same time, Sherri frowned, her eyebrows creasing. Jared looked down and saw what they were so shocked at. Jensen's back was riddled with deep lines and cuts. Even two letter's carved into the middle. "M. W." Jared looked up at them and shook his head seriously, telling them with no words that he would explain it.

Megan swallowed and smiled again. "Come on, you two, have your breakfast then we're all going shopping for the dinner tonight," she said and Sherri shook herself a little before agreeing with her daughter.

They left the both of them alone with a click of the door and Jared slowly pried Jensen from the pillows. "Hey…" he said and took Jensen's hand's from his face. Jensen was still a little red but he smiled at Jared a shy smile and Jared kissed his cheek. "Good morning," he said and Jensen hugged him and nuzzled into Jared's chest a little. "Good morning, Jay," he said softly. Jared lifted Jensen's face a little and looked at him. In the morning light, Jensen's face glowed and as a slow smile crept up onto Jensen's face, Jared's breath caught; he swore he was looking into the face of an angel. Jensen felt the same too, staring into the content face of Jared, hair tousled and sleep still playing at the side of his eyes.

The smell of coffee and toast brought them out of their little world of perfection and Jensen sat up and took the two mugs of coffee. He handed one to Jared as he got up and sipped his own. Suddenly he realized he was shirtless and hastily covered himself with the blanket and looked down, a little embarrassed. Jared saw that and leaned forward. He put a hand on Jensen's shoulder and Jensen face turned up a little. Jared wordlessly slid the sheet off Jensen's shoulder and kissed it. "Don't be afraid, Jen," he said quietly and Jensen allowed him to take the blanket off him. it fell in a heap around Jensen and Jensen exhaled a slow breath and met Jared's gaze.

Jared trailed his hand slowly down Jensen's scarred arm and then up again to cup his cheek in his hand. "I meant what I said last night, Jen," Jared said and Jensen's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "I meant what I said when I said that I'll never hurt you, Jen. I'm gonna try to fix this. And I promise you, Jensen, I'll never leave you."

Jensen's eyes fogged up a little and he took Jared's hand in his and kissed it. "Thank you, Jay," he said softly and then another memory flashed in his head.

"Jay…" he said quietly and Jared 'hmm'-ed at him, "We have to tell them… about the ring…"

"Mmm, let me do it, okay?" Jared said and Jensen smiled gratefully at him but then Jared smirked playfully, "But you have to tell my mum."


	15. Chapter 14: Visitors

**Chapter 14: Visitors**

"_The instances we feel triumphant,_

_The times we think we've won._

_Those are the times we fall the hardest,_

_Those are the times we believe the lies."_

Jensen didn't know how he was going to tell Sherri about the ring. That small band had him more worried than he'd been in a long time. I had thought it over a lot whilst he had a shower and on his way to the supermarket with her and Megan, and finally, he just decided to wing it. He had taken off the ring before that, just to make sure they wouldn't see anything and as they got out from the car in the crowded parking lot, Jensen thought to himself, _"no time like the present, right?"_

"Umm, guys," he said quietly and the two women turned and looked at him. Jensen swallowed a little and took out the ring from his pocket and silently, he slipped it onto his finger where it sat, so perfectly hugging his finger and he swore he could hear the sound of a pin falling. He looked at them and smiled a little before he was almost deafened by screams from the both of them. Suddenly there were arms around him and he was almost knocked to the ground. Megan was squealing in delight and Sherri had tears in her eyes as she hugged Jensen again and touched his cheek with her hand. "Jared couldn't have fallen in love with someone more amazing," she said and Jensen blushed before he stuttered out a thank you.

Megan was more expressive with her response, jumping into a hug and giving Jensen a kiss on the cheek. "FINALLY, I'm gonna have someone sane around this nuthouse," she said which earned her a smack on the head from her mother. Sherri looked Jensen with a twinkle in her eye and smiled brightly at him, "You know, Jensen honey, from the first time I saw you on the news, I knew you would be the one." Megan laughed a little at that, "Not the way Jay was totally gushing about him?" she asked and her mother chuckled at that. "That too I suppose," she said and then looked back at Jensen, "Welcome to the family, darling," she said and Jensen didn't know why, but something in him roared triumphant.

After that, shopping was really something else. Megan asked Jensen a thousand and one questions at mach speed about their plans, but Jensen couldn't answer any of them yet. Finally, Sherri sent Megan off to get a few cans of meat and Jensen sighed a little, but he didn't realize that Sherri had heard him.

"It's a big leap," she said and for a second, Jensen thought she was talking to the box of cereal she was examining. He looked down and fingered the handle of the trolley he was pushing. "Oh, don't get me wrong, Jensen, it's a wonderful thing, I'm just saying it's a big leap for Jared," Sherri said and Jensen cocked his head to the side a little. "Why?" he asked and Sherri looked at him briefly as she was putting the box into the trolley. "Well darling, I'm sure you know him very well, but Jared has had many difficult things to get over, especially with marriage," she said and Jensen's confusion deepened. Seeing the lines of worry deepen on his face, Sherri smiled. "Jared was once engaged," she said and Jensen was taken aback by that. He knew everything about Jared; he was sure of it, yet here was something that he really didn't.

"Wh-what?" he said and Sherri put a hand on his. "It was a long while back," she said, "Mmm, goodness me, it was almost eight years ago. Yes, she was an actress too and he thought that he really loved her, but I could see that he didn't. Anyway, he proposed to her and everything was fine and dandy, but I think she found out about him and they broke up. He was quite hurt by that, told me he would never get married and that it was for the weak and the cowardly." Jensen flinched inside a little and looked away from Sherri, but she continued on. "Darling, believe me, he loves you, really loves you. I've never seen him like this with anyone else before: genuinely happy. He's happy, Jensen, you make him happy."

Jensen smiled at that. "Really?" he asked and Sherri squeezed his shoulder. "Really."

They were supposed to be having a barbeque that night on the account that Jared was home for the weekend and when they pulled up in the driveway, they heard a soft thud and Jensen looked at the house with a little frown but Sherri and Megan shook their heads.

"I swear, those boys just won't wait for help, will they," Sherri said, taking out the bags from the car and Jensen looked back at her. "What're they doing?" he asked and Megan smirked at him. "You'll find out," she said and Jensen was laden with paper bags, so he didn't say anything else.

After setting down everything in the kitchen, Jensen's curiosity got the best of him and he peeked out the window, but Megan shut it and smirked, "Ah, ah, ah, Jen, not till tonight," she said and handed him a knife and pointed at the potatoes, "Boil 'em, peel 'em, mash 'em," she said. Jensen looked at the potatoes and then back at Megan, "Um… I don't… know…" he said and looked down but Megan put a hand on his arm. "Here, I'll show you, okay?" she said and Jensen looked up at here gratefully. Twenty minutes later, Jensen had cut himself twice and had accidently stabbed the table, but the potatoes were happily boiled and peeled and in a bowl, waiting to be mashed up.

Just as he was going to put on the second plaster on his index finger, the kitchen door opened and Jared walked in wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and was all sweaty with a little bit of his hair plastered to his forehead. He saw Jensen and smiled at him but it vanished at he spotted the plaster. "What happened, Jen?" he said, coming up to him and taking Jensen's hands gently with his. Jensen looked down shyly, "Cut myself when I was peeling potatoes," he said and Jared smiled down at him. Carefully, Jared took the plaster from Jensen's fingers and put it on him securely. Then he took up Jensen's hand and kissed the plaster and looked at Jensen, "I love you," he whispered and Jensen smiled a small smile up at Jared.

"I'm a terrible cook," Jensen said and Jared glanced over at the potatoes cooling in the bowl. "I don't know, Jen, those potatoes look good enough to eat like that," he said and kissed Jensen's forehead, "If you want to learn to cook, Jen, then we'll learn how to cook, okay?"

"You best be going to shower first, Jay," Jensen said, loving the sight of Jared all sweaty and perfect, "I don't think your mum would appreciate sweat in her roast."

"No, actually, I wouldn't appreciate it at all," came a voice and Jensen pushed Jared to arm length and turned to see Sherri, Megan and Jeff leaning against the dining table, sipping lemonade and smirking at them. Jensen groaned and tried to hide his face, but Jared just laughed and went over to the pot of simmering meat and looked back at his mother. "Sure you wouldn't like some essence of Jared in that?" he said extending his arm over the pot and Sherri's face darkened a little. "If a DROP falls in, Jared Tristan Padalecki, there's going to be Hell to pay," she said and Jared chuckled at her and retracted his arm.

"C'mon, Jay," Jeff said and set down his glass, "We'll finish up and go take a shower, okay?" Jared smirked at Jeff, "I hope you don't mean together, Jeff," he said and Jeff made a face at him. "You're such a little dick sometimes, Jaybird," he said and went out, shaking his head. Jared laughed out loud and before he went out again, he kissed Jensen softly on the lips and stroked Jensen's rapidly reddening face with his fingers. "See you later, Jen" he said.

Jared family was huge. Absolutely huge. Jensen had always known he had a large family, but he didn't realize how big they were. Apart from the fact that Jared had about seventy first cousins, he finally found out that Jared's height was not a miracle thing. Every one of his male cousins and even several girls towered over him. Jensen felt small in the crowd, but Jared stuck close to him, which Jensen was grateful for.

By the time the party started winding down, Jensen was full to the brim with food and happily chatting with Sherri's sister and her son. He really liked them and they liked him. "And did you know," Sherri's sister said coming close to Jensen and he leaned in too, "When we all found out about Jared and you, we were so happy for him! But you know, Arthur, that's my husband, he just wouldn't accept it. Well, good to know he's very happy with that new girl he's got."

Jensen realized what she was saying and he swallowed. "I'm so sorry," he said but she waved a hand at Jensen. "We only remained together because of Michael here, but even he didn't want his father around," she said, but Jensen wasn't all convinced.

"Excuse me," came a voice and Jensen looked up and his blood froze. "Sorry to barge in like this, but may I have a word with Jensen?"

As Jensen was led to a secluded part of the backyard, he tried to get someone's attention, but no one looked his way, so he ended up following the man to the darkest part of the bushes. All of a sudden, he was on his back and there was a hand on his throat. "Trying to hide under some bastards balls, huh Jensen?" Mr. Whips said softly to Jensen and went close to him and licked Jensen's ear before breathing into it. "You're mine, Jensen," he said with a suggestive voice and tightened his hand on Jensen's throat and Jensen whimpered a little and clutched at Mr. Whips' hand. "You've always been mine, Jenny. From the first cut to the last… lovely… orgasm."

Then Mr. Whips saw Jensen's ring and laughed. "My little boy getting hitched?" he said and he twisted Jensen's hand round, almost breaking it and Jensen bit his lip to stop from shouting out. "Who would want to marry a used rag, huh, Jensen?" Mr. Whips sneered at him. "You're used, dirty, fucked out and you really think that Jared loves you, huh? Boy, he just wants you to suck his dick and open your legs for him. You're nothing but a pretty face, Jensen. Always have been, always will be."

Mr. Whips produced a knife which gleamed menacingly in the moonlight and ran it over Jensen's lips. "You remember little Peace well, don't you Jensen?" he asked and then slowly ran it down Jensen's chest to his stomach which made Jensen cringe and his breath hitch up a few notches. "Yes, it's all coming back to you now isn't it?" he said and kissed Jensen's cheek. "How it sliced into your flesh. How it cut my name into your stomach. How I… Mmm, Oh Jensen, just thinking about it makes me all tingly. Remember how I sliced you open and sucked you up?"

Jensen remembered that vividly… a little too vividly. Mr. Whips traced the outline of Jensen's crotch with the knife and tears started to run down Jensen's face. "Jensen. I'm going to make you mine again," he said and brought his hand up to Jensen's cheek and sliced Jensen's skin open. Jensen gasped and the cut was covered by Mr. Whips' lips and when he brought his head up again he smiled wickedly at Jensen. "You're going to remember who you belong to, Jensen. And that's me."

Jensen choked out a sob and Mr. Whips let go of him and punched Jensen. "Now, now, Jensen, remember our rules," he said and Jensen curled a little on himself. "I'm sorry," he said and Mr. Whips punched him in the gut. "I'm sorry, WHO?" he said menacingly and Jensen coughed a little and gasped. "I… I'm s-sorry… daddy," he said and he saw Mr. Whips smiling through his tears.

Suddenly there was a shout and Mr. Whips vanished from sight. Jensen could hear shouting and a scuffle somewhere, but he couldn't see anything much. He heard the bushes rustle a little and felt hands on him and he cringed in a little and cried out. "I'll be good, daddy, I promise," he said and he thought he heard someone that sounded like Jared, but his thoughts were too muddled to process anything. "I promise I won't be bad again, dad-daddy," he said, "I'll be your good boy."

"JENSEN," came a shout and Jensen opened his eyes. Jared was over him, holding the back of his neck with one hand and with the other, holding his shoulder. "Jay," Jensen said and his breath stuttered and a fresh flow of tears came to his eyes.

Jared lifted Jensen up into a sitting position and held him close to him. "I'm here, Jen… I'm here."


	16. Chapter 15: Perfectly Imperfect

**Chapter 15: Perfectly Imperfect**

"_Words flow like a river on fire,_

_They will pierce your heart with pain,_

_But they are all that we require,_

_They will save us with healing rain."_

"His name is Mr. Whips," Jensen said softly and Jared glanced at him a little confused. They were sitting on Jared's bed and the only light in the room was the nightlight that had been Jared's since he was three. It cast just enough of light for Jared to be able to see Jensen's face and he understood straightaway.

"You don't have to talk about this right now, you know," he said and he saw Jensen smile. "I know," Jensen said, "but you of all people have the right to know." Personally, Jared would have liked it just fine if he could go down to the police station right now and paint the walls with this maniac's blood, but he also knew that Jensen needed him, so he stayed.

Jared tried to take Jensen's hand but Jensen pulled away a little. Jared looked a little hurt, but Jensen could only do this without touching anyone but himself. Jensen inhaled and readied himself for the words. "His name was Mr. Whips, but some people knew his real name. Aaron Samuels." Jensen shuddered a little. Even now, the very mention of Mr. Whips' name sent a chill down Jensen's back. "Sounds like a well, respectable man, doesn't he? He was, too. Wife, kids, big shot CEO and all, but everyone in the brothel knew his other side. Everyone knew Mr. Whips, even before I was found by Stella Marie. He was one of her biggest clients – always getting the best… deals, always paying her to keep quiet about anything that happened," Jensen said and Jared's brow knitted together a little. "Anything that happened?" Jared asked and Jensen just shook his head. Clearly, Jared didn't need to know what that meant, but he could give a good guess anyway.

"Anyway," Jensen continued, "Uhh… When I arrived there, Stella Marie didn't actually want to let him meet me; she knew what he was capable of and… I dunno, I guess she had a soft spot or something for me…" Jensen cleared his throat and sighed. "But he found out about me anyway. He had been demanding to know who this 'Jade' person was." "Wait, what?" Jared said and cocked his head to the side, "They called you that?" Jensen simply nodded, lips thinning out and he swallowed a little, "Something about my eyes or something… Uhh… Yeah, s-so… Mr. Whips came to see me one day. Stella Marie had told me to be on my best behavior and performance. She didn't even let me have any clients the night before; wanted me to rest up…"

Jensen exhaled, but his breath stuttered a little and Jared couldn't stand it anymore. He went over to Jensen and hugged Jensen close to his chest. He felt Jensen's shoulders shake a little and Jared felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. He held Jensen until Jensen calmed down and Jared offered him a tissue. Jensen accepted it gratefully and blew his nose. After that, he looked at Jared and tried to smile a little. "S-Sorry," he said but Jared shook his head and took Jensen's hand into his. "You don't have to continue if you can't, Jen," he said, but Jensen held on to Jared's fingers and inhaled. "No," Jensen said, "I started it." Jared nodded and put an arm around Jensen's waist.

"S-So yeah… Mr. Whips came to see me. He… was nice at first. Usual things he would tell his other… people… He said he wanted to come and see me again, and I said okay… I didn't know what I was getting myself into though…" Jensen stopped and after a while, Jared wondered if Jensen had fallen asleep. His body had gone stiff and his breathing had evened out, but Jared noticed that his eyes were open, so he said softly, "Jen…?" Immediately, Jensen's fingers tightened and life came back into his eyes. Jensen shook his head a little. "S-Sorry," he said and Jared suddenly understood what had happened. "Jensen," Jared said evenly, "We're here in my house. I'm here and you're here. He can't hurt you, okay?" Jensen shook his head again and turned his face to look up at Jared. "Okay, Jay," he said and continued, "Mr. Whips… he, ah… was into really… dangerous things. Dangerous… kinda doesn't really sum it up, but… dangerous. There was more than one occasion that Stella Marie had to call the paramedics after… a-after he was done with me, but he always wormed his way around her warnings."

"J-Jen…" Jared whispered hoarsely, but Jensen put a hand over Jared's heart and offered him a small smile. "Let me finish, okay?" he said and Jared nodded. Jensen was finding it harder and harder to push the flashes of pain and the images from his head, but he knew that Jared needed to hear this.

"Uh… After a while, Mr. Whips was banned from seeing me… after he gave me this…" Jensen lifted his shirt to expose his stomach and Jared finally understood what the 'M.W.' carved so sinisterly into Jensen's stomach meant. "M… W…" Jared said and touched the raised flesh – the memory of Jensen's past that nothing would erase. Jared looked at Jensen and tears broke the surface. "J-Jensen… I… I'm so sorry…" Jared and Jensen put his hands on Jared's cheeks, wiping away the tears. "Hey…" Jensen said softly, "Don't cry, Jay… It happened, but now he can't hurt me right? Everything is okay now and that's because of you. You did that Jay, you saved my life."

Jared hated himself at that moment. He was supposed to be taking care of Jensen, telling him that everything is okay, telling him that he was going to make sure this Mr. Whips creep never saw the light of day again, so why was this happening the other way around?

Jared put his hands over Jensen's and extracted his face from them, but he still held onto Jensen's hands. "S-So what happened after that?" Jared asked, "How did he find you now?"

"Honestly, I don't know Jay," Jensen sighed and looked down, "Even after the ban, he still managed to get gifts through to me… always reminding me about what he'd done… I mean… most of these… scars… are from him." Jared sighed and tilted Jensen's chin up with his index finger and thumb. "Hey," he said, smiling at Jensen, "Whatever he's done in the past, Jen, he can't hurt you now, okay? He's behind bars, and my lawyers are going to take care of him."

Jensen didn't exactly feel comforted by that because he knew what Mr. Whips was capable of. Even when Mr. Whips had been taken into prison for 'accidently' killing one of the boys that worked in Stella Marie's brothel, he still had managed to sent gifts to Jensen. Jensen didn't tell Jared what were in those gifts, as he was pretty sure that Jared would have thrown up at the very mention of it. But Jensen nodded anyway and leaned in to seal his promise with a kiss. It was a chaste kiss, but it was something that the both of them needed. It was something that they realized they had needed for a long time. Not the kiss, but the talk.

A while later, Jared and Jensen had decided that they would turn in for the night, but something was still eating away at Jensen. He knew that Jared had been engaged, and he knew that Sherri had asked him to ask Jared about it, but he was afraid that this wouldn't be the right time. However, after a long internal debate, Jensen thought that it was tonight or never.

"H-Hey, Jay?" Jensen said quietly and Jared roused a little. Jared held Jensen a little closer and turned his head to look down at Jensen. Jensen's cheek was on Jared chest and he had been drawing circles in Jared's shoulder which Jared absolutely loved. "What's up?" Jared said and Jensen kissed Jared chest before looking up at him. "If I asked you something, could you not get angry with me?" he asked and after a moment, Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen's forehead. "Anything, Jen," he said simply and Jensen smiled at him.

"Your mum… told me you were engaged once…" Jensen began and he felt Jared's body tense a little, but Jensen carried on, "What happened?"

Jared was silent for a moment and sighed deeply. Jensen sat up a little and looked at Jared with a worried look. "I'm sorry, Jay… I shouldn't have asked you," Jensen said, but Jared smiled and pulled Jensen down again. "It's okay," he said and entwined his fingers with Jensen's. "It was just a long time ago, so it just caught me by surprise," he said. Jensen nodded and looked down. He hadn't meant to reopen old wounds, but before he could say anything, Jared spoke.

"Her name was Nicole Esetroc," he said and immediately Jensen saw headlines and articles. _Nicole Esetroc,_ the actress. She had starred with Jared in a minor role in his movie, _The Hidden Words_, and Jensen was actually surprised at Jared's choice. She hadn't had much in common with Jared and Jared didn't really seem like that type of guy. But then again, Jared didn't seem like the gay kind of guy either, and here he was engaged to a guy.

"Yeah, I'm sure you've heard of her," he said jokingly but Jensen saw nothing funny about this. He hadn't liked her from the get go, but he just couldn't put his finger on why he hadn't liked her, and now he knew. "I thought that I really did like her. I mean, when I was with her, I didn't even think about… other people… about guys or anything. I thought that I could actually pull it off; have a family with her, take the secret to the grave," Jared said and chuckled a little, "Guess I was wrong huh?"

"But there's more," Jensen said and Jared sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't go there," he said and Jensen shrunk back a little, "Sorry," he said and Jared laughed out loud and pulled him close again. "Stop apologizing for everything, Jen," he said, but his eyes grew heavy with feeling.

"I told her about how I felt towards guys on the eve of our wedding," he said and Jensen's breath caught in his throat. The _eve_ of their _wedding_? But Jared didn't notice this. "She… Well, she blew up at me actually," he said and grimaced a little, "Told me awful things." Jensen squeezed Jared's shoulder a little and smiled up at him softly, trying to make Jared feel better and Jared smiled back at Jensen. "I think she told my mum actually," he said and then stopped for a moment and huffed. "Huh, so that's why she didn't seem all that surprised… Yeah, so anyway… she threw the ring at me, stormed off and well… The rest is history?"

He glanced down at Jensen and shrugged a little, "That's all," he said, but Jensen turned his eyes up, sad ones. "Did you love her?" he asked, but Jared's expression remained calmly still. He stroked Jensen's cheek a little, "I did love her, for a while… But then it turned into just tolerating her," he said and only then did he frown a little, "I saw what she was really like after the first three months… What she was really like, and I didn't like it at all. I didn't like so many things, I realize."

Jensen's bit his lower lip a little, a question burning on the tip of his tongue and Jared tilted Jensen's face up with his hand. "Tell me," he said and Jensen sighed. "Are there things you don't like about me, Jay?" he asked and Jared pursed his lips a little. "Well, Jen, I just don't know where to start. I don't know what to say first and what to say last," he said and Jensen's heart fell a little, but Jared shook his head and smiled. "Jensen, I'm joking," he said and pulled Jensen up to his face and he turned on his side so they were both looking at each other.

"There isn't anyone I love more on this planet than you, Jen. There isn't anything that I don't love about you. You're proof that people can overcome even the worst situations if they're strong enough. Never think you're weak, Jen, you're not. You're strong, you're the most important thing to me, and most of all, Jen, I love you. I love you for your strength and your compassion, I love your flaws and your dreams. I love everything you are Jensen. From the moment I saw you in Devans', I knew you were the one, Jen. You're everything I've been looking for. Everything I wish I was and everything I want to protect in my life. Jensen, you're perfect to me."

Jensen didn't know how exactly he was supposed to react to that, but his instinct took over before his brain could begin to process anything else. He lunged at Jared and kissed him hard. He kissed Jared and Jared kissed him back. They kissed like that was the only thing holding the universe together, like it was the only thing that would achieve world peace. They kissed and they knew that every time they looked back on this moment, they would remember it as being perfect.

The one perfect thing in their perfectly imperfect love.


	17. Chapter 16: A Thousand Pages Of Memories

**Chapter 16: A Thousand Pages Of Memories.**

"_All the world's new again,_

_All the light is on me and I'm whole again._

_Everything is good now,_

_Everything shall begin with you in my arms now."_

There were several instances in Jensen's life that he hadn't any books to read. He realized that those were in his darkest times of life, when hardships had driven him to the streets or to the brink of death. But he had always found his way back to the pages of pure imagination and immersed himself in it. There had been trials along the way, but Jensen always had his way of escaping the pain for a while.

He had found the battered copy of the book that had brought Jared to him. As he held it in his hands and gently caressed the cover, he smiled at the memory of Jared, searching ever so carefully for that book and the concentration on his face. Jensen remembered that he was thinner than a stick then and was two minutes away from being homeless, but now when he looked in the mirror at the fuller face looking back at him, he always wondered if it had all been a dream. There were still so many things that woke Jensen up in the still of the darkness, fears and inner demons that would scare him, but Jared was always there to hold him closer and Jensen would feel Jared chase the demons away.

Jensen stood up from the bed he was sitting on in Sherri's room and walked to the window, hundreds of flowers were almost blocking the Jensen's view of the garden, a testament to Harold's gardening skill, but Jensen could see it all in his mind, the way they always wanted it. It had been a childhood fantasy, and now Jensen had it. He finally had it. Jensen knew that every time he looked back on his life, he would always see Jared there. Through the rape, the beatings, the sorrows and uncertainties, Jared would always be there.

A woman's voice broke Jensen's train of thought and he looked round to see Devan standing there in a beautiful sundress. "Jensen, darling, it's about time we get going, we're going to be late," she said and Jensen nodded. "Just give me a minute, huh?" he said and opened a drawer to put the book in. Devan saw the cover and her smile widened. She came up to Jensen and looked down at the book. "That was it, wasn't it?" she said and Jensen didn't need to ask her what she was talking about. Before he put the book into the drawer, he showed it to her. She took it, opened it and smelled the pages. Sighing happily, she handed it back to him. "Filled with good memories," she said and Jensen put it into the drawer. He knew that Devan loved her books even more than he loved them and he knew that this was one book that she would never forget. He hugged her and she hugged back.

"It was because of you that I'm where I am today," Jensen said quietly and Devan laughed as she pulled back. "Darling, if anything, it's because of Jared that you are where you are today. I merely supplied the book and venue," she said and the both of them chuckled but she held his face in her hand, "Jensen, you and Jared were fated for each other. You always have been and always will be, in this life and the next. remember that." He smiled down at the woman nodded. Whether she had liked it or not, Jensen had thought of her as his mother-figure, going to her for counsel and a kind word when Jared was away for work. She had helped Jensen through the first few weeks of his relationship with Jared and had always been there for him.

She inclined her head to the window and smirked, "It's hell out there, you know," she said and Jensen laughed. "Are you kidding?" he said, "The last few months have been hell!" and he was right, Devan knew that the last few months had been hell. The planning, the sleepless nights, the arguments. Personally, she was happy that this day was finally here.

They descended the stairs arm in arm and just as they got to the bottom, Megan skipped in with a wide smile on her face. She was in a beautiful dress of light pink that made her look like the lady she was turning into. "Jen, Jen, c'mon, they're all waiting for you," she said and Jensen swallowed. He was suddenly nervous to open the doors to the backyard. He turned to Devan and lowered his voice, "I'm nervous," he admitted and Devan shook her head. "Jensen, darling, if you weren't nervous, I would be questioning your sanity. Today's your big day, Jen, live in the moment," she said and Jensen felt courage set in. Devan and Megan went to the doors and put a hand on one of the door handles each. "Ready?" Megan said excitedly and Jensen took a moment, but nodded determinedly. As the doors opened, Jensen felt his life change once again, this time, he knew that everything was good, that everything was new again, that this was just the start.

He stepped into the sunlight of the backyard and there was a boom of applause. Friends and well wishers, Jared's family and a few reporters. That was all Jensen had asked for and that's what was given to him. he didn't want something over the top or flamboyant and that's exactly what he got. On a stage set at the end of the backyard, Jared stood, looking more like a mirage of beauty than a human. Jensen's breath was always taken away when he saw Jared, his love for him renewing itself over and over again, but this time was special, this time was different. As he walked to the stage, he smiled at the people there, shook hands with some, gave a one armed hug to a few. Finally when he reached the stage, he looked up at Jared and Jared looked down at him with an amused smile.

"Aren't we Mr. Confidence today," Jared teased and Jensen smiled sheepishly. "Devan helped," he said and Jared laughed before kissing Jensen's forehead, "Still the shy boy I met in a bookstore," he said and Jensen blushed before turning to the crowd. He felt Jared put a reassuring arm around his waist, hidden from the view of the audience. Jensen sucked in a breath and began the speech he had rehearsed so many times before.

"Thank you all for coming out here today. It's been a long and hard few months, but today is finally the day. Before anything else, I would like to thank Mr. Jeffrey and Chastity for helping me through all the finer details these past few months and for holding their patience with me. I would like to thank Sherri, Jeff and Megan for the constant support and for all the good memories that they've given me. I would like to thank Devan for everything she's done for me, without her I wouldn't even be alive right now." Jensen paused here a minute, emotions taking hold of him and as he cleared his throat and blinked away tears, he was met with an encouraging round of applause. Jared's hand on him tightened a little and he felt Jared's smile on him. He breathed in once and composed himself and continued. "Finally I want to thank Jared," he said and glanced up at him, "Without whom I would never have found a family." People stood and clapped and a few flashes of light went off.

Suddenly there was a tug on Jensen's pants and he looked down and chuckled. He picked up the young girl with the brunette curls and gave her cheek a kiss. "Wanna cut the ribbon, munchkin?" he asked and she squealed in delight at that. She had begged Jared to let her do it before, but Jared had said no. Jensen on the other hand didn't have the heart to say no to those big green, puppy dog eyes. "Exploiter," Jared said, but leaned down and kissed the girl's cheek. She laughed and hugged Jensen tighter. "Daddy's being mean," she said and giggled into Jensen's collar as Jared stuck out his tongue at her. "It's okay, Marie," Jensen said, "I'll get him later."

They took the oversized scissors from the table nearby and Jensen, Marie and Jared held it in their hands. Turning to the crowd, Jensen called out, "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I declare Memories restaurant and bookstore now, open!" As Jensen said the last word, they closed the scissors down together and the boom of cheers, camera lights and clapping nearly blew Jensen away. Jared kissed Jensen and Marie laughed and bobbed up and down in Jensen's arms.

Jensen smiled at his husband and at his daughter. _His _husband,_ his _daughter. His life. And Jensen would always remember this moment; the start of a new thousand pages of memories.

**The End.**


End file.
